Chapter 123: Opening a Porridge Factory
Qi Long was really not making up a joke. Dongqiang's family has always been doing good deeds, starting from his grandfather's generation.
Later, Dongqiang received a performance fee and donated his own money for the first time. Qi Long, who was following him at the time, thought it was very meaningful so he also donated money. Since then, the two of them have donated frequently, and the amount is not large, just one percent of the performance fee.
At that time, the two brothers earned 100 yuan, each took 50 yuan, and donated 50 cents. Later, it became a habit.
When Qi Long woke up after the car accident, he learned that his chances of survival were very low given the circumstances of the accident, but he still survived. He felt that it was a reward for those unintentional good deeds.
So when he was in the hospital, he secretly made a decision: to be a kind person all his life!
Let’s talk about the crosstalk stage.
"Let's talk about Dongqiang. Some time ago, when the earthquake happened, he donated 50 cents!"
Dongqiang listened with an embarrassed smile at first, but when he heard the word 50 cents, he raised his head and said, "I only donated 50 cents?"
"Well, don't laugh at yourself. No matter how much money you donate, it's all a thought. No one stipulates that you have to donate more if you have money. Donating even a dime is kindness. There is no distinction between noble and humble kindness!"
"That's right!"
"He didn't leave after donating, he just stood there. After a while, a migrant worker came and donated 2,000 yuan. Dongqiang and the registrar bowed together and said thank you. Then a scavenger came and donated 1,000 yuan!"
"The rag collectors all donated 1,000 yuan. I only donated 50 cents!"
"Hey, don't laugh at yourself. You have good intentions. Just continue to bow and say thank you to them this time!" Qi Long praised.
Dongqiang: "I don't feel embarrassed at all"
"No matter how much money you donate, it's all a token of your appreciation. After a while, a few young ladies came, wearing heavy makeup and fishnet stockings, to the donation site. We're donating 50,000!"
"Miss, you donated 50,000?" Dongqiang was shocked.
"The person who registered took a look and frowned. It's dirty money. We don't accept dirty money. Take it back, take it back!"
"Hey? You're scolding people for donating money? That's just kindness!" Dongqiang was anxious.
Qi Long nodded: "That's right, Dongqiang was anxious at the time and yelled at the registrar: How can it be dirty money? That's all my hard-earned money!"
"The money earned from me?" Dongqiang pointed at himself with his index finger.
The effect of dirty jokes is always to make the audience explode. There was an audience member holding a water bottle and laughing, feeling lucky that he hadn't drunk it yet. After the laughter was over, he raised the bottle and drank it.
Qi Long on the stage saw that the laughter had passed and looked at Dong Qiang in surprise.
"No, it should be earned under you!"
"Poof!" The audience, thinking that the joke was over, burst into laughter.
It was funny to begin with, and it became even funnier when some people burst out laughing!
And seeing how effective it was, Dongqiang even changed the joke, making everyone laugh even harder: "No, I like being passive!"
Not to mention the audience, even Qi Long turned his head. This was Dong Qiang's impromptu joke, and the joke was supposed to end with Qi Long, but unexpectedly the buddy added a sentence that made Qi Long laugh. He turned his head back and then turned around to laugh.
Turning back: "That's on my body. You'd better speak according to the words!"
"What kind of words are there?" Dong Qiang retorted.
Qi Long continued: "To be honest, the money donated by Dongqiang is just a small amount!"
“Isn’t 50 cents a lot?”
"His father has spent more money on doing good deeds. Ever since he became seriously ill and made a wish, he has been determined to be a good man. He is very kind and never looks at killing animals. He prays before eating meat and usually does not actively harm animals. Just imagine, what would you do if a fly flew into your home?"
"Beat him to death!"
"Your father won't beat it to death. It's a poor little life. He opened the door and chased the fly out!"
"Look, my dad is kind-hearted!"
"What would you do if there was a bedbug crawling on your bed?"
"Crush him to death!"
"Your father didn't crush it to death, it was a poor little life. He caught the bedbug and put it in the stinky ditch to release it!"
"My father is kind-hearted!"
"What if you have lice?"
"Squeeze it to death. Hey, my dad won't squeeze it to death, he will let the louse go!"
"Look at what you said. You don't understand your father. What will happen if the lice are released and have nothing to eat? They will starve to death soon. It's no different from killing them!"
"What should we do?"
"Your father took the louse and stuck it on the back of a person's neck!" Qi Long said as he acted!
Dong Qiang: "Isn't this immoral?"
"That's out of kindness. He couldn't bear to see the poor little life starve to death. Your father even decided to open a porridge factory to give alms to poor families!"
"Give me porridge?"
"How can porridge alone be enough?"
At this point, we get down to business. This is also a traditional joke called "Opening a Porridge Factory". The original joke was about the funny guy bragging about how rich he is and how much he gave to poor people. Each part was a long line. Today, in order to raise donations, the brothers modified the traditional joke, from talking about Qi Long to talking about the two of them first, leading to his father's plan to be a philanthropist.
"What else?"
"Three meals a day, each one is different. In the morning, we have big meat rolls, at noon, we have sliced noodles, and at night, we have dumplings. On the first and fifteenth day of the lunar month, we have a Shandong cuisine feast for eight people, including sea cucumbers braised with scallions, sweet and sour carp, braised prawns, nine-turn large intestine, fried crispy double-fried pork, and Shandong province multi-grain pancakes."
“And pancakes?”
"Of course not. We need some staple food. Let's finish the Shandong cuisine banquet in a hurry. Give each person 200 yuan. Those who know how to play mahjong can play a few rounds of mahjong for entertainment."
"What about those who don't know how to play mahjong?"
"If you don't know how to play mahjong, take 200 yuan and take a taxi to Hengshan Mountain to stroll around, digest your food, and visit some scenic spots and historical sites!"
"Wow, my father is so philanthropic?" Dong Qiang asked in surprise.
Qi Long nodded: "This is still a normal day, there are still single rooms during festivals!"
"Dragon Boat Festival?"
"It's in keeping with the occasion. For 80,000 people, each person will get a portion of glutinous rice dumplings, two handfuls of cattail seeds, two handfuls of mugwort seeds, a plate of black mulberries, a plate of white mulberries, and a bag of sweet cherries."
It was time for Qi Longxiu to recite his lines again. He could recite more than a dozen objects at will, speaking faster and faster, but still keeping his pronunciation clear and the names of the objects could be heard clearly.
"You're really willing to give away a lot. What about the Labor Day around the Dragon Boat Festival?"
"No!"
"Why not?"
"Adjust your leave!"
"Adjust your leave?"
"Yes, nowadays we can't have all the holidays, so we use working days to make up for it. May Day and Dragon Boat Festival are close together, so they are naturally adjusted to the same time!"
"Oh, what should I give as a gift for Mid-Autumn Festival?"
There is another long passage, starting with mooncakes, and then all kinds of fruits are brought up. Autumn is the harvest season, and there are many kinds of fruits.
"Five peaches, five apples, five pomegranates, five persimmons, five betel nuts, five pears, one pound of cherry dates, two pounds of jujubes, three pounds of red grapes, five pounds of white grapes, a six-pound watermelon, a bottle of Fenjiu, eight pounds of crabs, all of which are obtained. Nine pieces of ginger are also provided for eating crabs. As for the vinegar from Jin Province, you can get it yourself!"
"Wow, why isn't there anything weighing four pounds?"
"It's taboo not to send gifts for the fourth day of the lunar calendar. Your father is afraid that you will die, so your father doesn't send gifts during the Qingming Festival. The most gifts he sends are during the Chinese New Year!"
The New Year's theme song consists of three consecutive sections. The first section talks about various snacks, dried fruits and grains.
Things like "rice, millet, soybeans, glutinous rice, chestnuts, peach preserves, lotus seeds, coix seeds, peas, melon seeds, peanuts, and black rice." All of these are mentioned with their weight.
After talking about twenty kinds of dried fruits, grains, and snacks, Qi Long began to speak slowly, and Dongqiang would follow with two sentences: "There's more" and "Wow"!
The long sections show the fast but not chaotic running of the lines, while the connections in the middle are the slow but continuous running of the lines, and the continuity depends on the supporting role.
This slow speaking not only gives the comedian a break, but also gives the audience a chance to catch their breath before continuing with the second part.
The second paragraph talks about the sundries used for the New Year, including but not limited to things used for offerings, firecrackers, couplets, blessing characters, charcoal for heating, and seasonings for cooking. It is very complete, with more than 30 items.
This is not the end, the third paragraph follows, with more than fifty items, all kinds of meat and vegetables:
"One pig's head, one carp, one red rooster, fifty catties of pork, sixty catties of mutton, twenty catties of beef, four pork elbows, two hangs of large intestine, five catties of lard, offal, three golden jars of Yangdu, and five catties of lungs."
"A deck of mahjong tiles, and these things, you can use them as you like!"
"Wow, my dad spends so much money, he must have given away several million, right?" Dong Qiang said in shock.
Qi Long shook his head: "It hasn't started yet. Your father doesn't plan to open a porridge factory anymore."
"why?"
"His seriously ill son has died. There is no need for him to do good deeds anymore!"
"Where did I come from if I died?"
"You are twins, you died, and you are your brother!"
"Go to hell!"
The two men took a step back, and the crosstalk ended. The audience applauded loudly, with smiles on their faces, and they all felt that the ticket price was worth it!
This is also the basic performance of Qi Long and Dong Qiang. They often make people laugh in the first half and show their real kung fu in the second half. If you want to listen to the traditional part, you can listen to the traditional part. If you want to have fun, you can also have fun!
Many audiences who started listening to crosstalk in recent years have repeatedly said that it was because of Qi Long and Dong Qiang that they knew there were so many kinds of crosstalk and they had never heard so many of them before!
In mainstream crosstalk, few people say these things. They are talking about new crosstalk, which is not in the same track.
Those who can perform traditional crosstalk, such as Deyun and Qingqu, are all at the level of troupe owners. They have large commercial performances throughout the year, and most of the work is repetitive. Moreover, the hard work is sometimes thankless, so they rarely use it.
This has resulted in the fact that audiences who have listened to crosstalk in recent years have not heard so many old jokes.
Qi Long uses new jokes and new interludes to put on old jokes so that people can listen to both the new and the old. Guo Degang praised Qi Long in his program and emphasized the ten words that Qi Long told him.
"My junior brother Qi Long said ten words to me backstage at that time, and I still remember them clearly: Don't be conservative in tradition, and don't forget your roots in innovation!"
After the small theater performance, Qi Long drove to the airport. A new episode of Men Gang was about to be recorded. This was the third episode and guests were coming. While waiting for the flight, the active Men Gang group was already discussing how to trick the guests.
Qi Long also actively joined in: "Let's form an alliance first, and we have a deal that when there are guests, we will trick the guests, and when there are no guests, we will trick each other!"
“No problem!” everyone answered.
But whether it is true or not, I am afraid that except for the still innocent Yixing and the honest Wang Xun, no one thinks so. If there is really a chance to become a regular member, they will definitely take action!
(End of this chapter)
