Chapter 157 Xiao Ni’s cards didn’t match!
"My 468 stock is really good. I invested yuan in it, and one day, it reached its daily limit!"
"A blind cat meets a dead mouse?"
"Touch one and let me see!" Qi Long immediately became dissatisfied and turned around and said angrily.
"I don't have that ability!"
"Oh, when I saw the price limit, I was..."
"Excited?"
"I feel uncomfortable." The smile on Qi Long's face suddenly turned into a look as if he was about to cry.
"Ah? Are you still upset after the stock price reaches the daily limit?"
"Why don't I have the courage to invest more? The daily limit is 10%. I only made 10,000 yuan out of 100,000 yuan. What can you do to make 10,000 yuan a day? If I had invested more, oh no!"
Qi Long was jumping anxiously. Dong Qiang was about to come up to pull him up. Qi Long just jumped up and stepped on Dong Qiang's foot. Dong Qiang cried out "ouch" in pain and started hopping on one foot.
There was no other way. They couldn't tell those jokes that would blow up the audience on stage, so they had to make full use of the funny techniques. The two people's exquisite coordination and movements caused laughter.
Qi Long ignored Dong Qiang and continued, "The price limit is waiting for me. I will continue to buy, mortgage my house, sell my car second-hand at a low price, and dispose of my wife on the spot."
"Selling your wife?"
"No, help me cook."
"You made it clear!"
"I put all my 468 into stocks."
"You will die sooner or later."
"It's going up, it's going up!" Qi Long said excitedly, and then he started singing:
[I am looking at the market from afar. How many stocks are rising wildly? I bought them yesterday and they are rising today. I am on the road to making money in the stock market. Oh yeah, oh yeah!!]
When he sang "Oh Yeah", he was still twisting his body exaggeratedly. Dongqiang was about to come up and pull him up, but Qi Long came up with Zeng Yi's part.
[Ah, my mother, my mother, my soul is about to run away, the stock market is falling, the stock market is falling, the visible and invisible, my house, my car, oh no, oh no] Qi Long's voice began to choke with tears in his eyes.
Dongqiang quickly asked him: "What's wrong?"
Qi Long turned around with a crying voice and asked: "My stocks are the same color as your hat?"
"what colour?"
"Cuckolded!" Qi Long cried loudly and leaned on Dong Qiang's shoulder.
It had to be this kind of joke. The laughter was obviously much louder than before, and there was also applause.
Dongqiang pushed him away and said, "You are the one who is cuckolded! You are so annoying. You are making fun of others even though you are in this state."
Qi Long came back to his senses and said that there was no problem with his stocks, but the problem must be with where he lived. I live in a black banker's household, so I was cheated by the banker. I have to move to Guanzhuang, and I have to manage the banker!
"People who trade stocks are just looking for good luck. Don't say unlucky words in front of me, don't do unlucky things, and don't let me see unlucky colors!"
"What color is unlucky?"
Qi Long glanced at the top of Dong Qiang's head: "Green!"
"Don't look over my head. Why is green unlucky?"
"People who trade stocks know that green represents a decline and red represents an increase, so our house must be all red. Here, I have a red jacket. Do you see it?"
"Oh, can't see green!"
"Yes, in order to avoid seeing green, I try not to go out!"
"why?"
"The imperial capital has done a lot of greening. There are green plants everywhere!"
"Hi"
The praise in crosstalk is invisibly mixed into the jokes.
"Now I miss the imperial capital from more than ten years ago?"
"why?"
"There was so much smog at that time that we couldn't see the green plants!"
"That's right, the sky is clear every day now!"
"I'm going to go out in autumn and climb the Fragrant Hills, where the frosted leaves are redder than the flowers in February. I've been so careful, but something unlucky still happened. How can I be so upset?"
Dongqiang became interested: "What's bothering you? Tell us and let us cheer you up!"
"Look at you, you are a bad person. That day, when I woke up, I jumped out of the bed and stood up. This is called a carp jump. It means my stocks will stand up soon. I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and rinse my mouth. Gulp, gulp, um (swallowing action), ah!"
"Did you swallow the mouthwash?"
"This is called capital repatriation. My son is here. Daddy, it's time to eat!"
"The child is very polite!"
Qi Long stretched out his hand and swung it out: "Pia!"
"Why do you still beat children?"
"You actually called me daddy, don't you think I fell enough? Don't call me that!"
"Then what should I call you?"
"Call me father!"
When pronouncing this word, Qi Long emphasized it particularly strongly.
"My brother came again at this time. Brother, why did you hit the child?" Qi Long slapped him again: "Pia!"
"Give your brother a slap too?"
"How can you call me brother? Do you want me to be chopped like a leek?"
"What do you call me?"
"Call me brother! My stock is going to rise fiercely."
"When I was leaving, my mother took a coat and asked me to put it on. I..." Qi Long raised his hand again. Dong Qiang glared: "What are you doing?"
Qi Long slapped himself in the face: "Are you my real mother? Are you trapping me? If not, I'll get out!"
Unlucky things are getting more and more. When the driver asked where to park, Qi Long was angry. He said that stocks cannot be parked. He asked the driver for an invoice, which was a bit troublesome. He took the invoice with him when he got off the car and threw it in front of him.
The cleaner said, "Don't throw the garbage in your hand away!" Qi Long got angry and said, "You have garbage in your hand," and then he ran a red light.
The traffic police stopped him and told him not to run a red light, but to wait until the light turns green before going! Qi Long was angry, how could the light turn green? If it can’t turn green, I will rush, shua, and get hit and fly.
When the phone was flying in the sky, it flew higher than Qi Long, and Qi Long was happy.
"Are you stupid? Are you happy about being hit?"
"My phone is full of stocks, which means my stocks are going to take off!"
"You're still thinking about your stocks even after being hit?"
"I woke up in the hospital and saw my wife. I asked her what time it was?"
"Still thinking about it?"
Qi Long's voice changed to a shrill one: "You've gone crazy!"
"I think so!"
"You ask me every day what time the market is, what time the market is, I think you are at 13 o'clock!"
"The dialect in Modou means that the person has a problem with his brain!" Dongqiang explained to the audience who didn't understand.
"I've told you a long time ago that you should invest rationally and that the stock market is risky, but you just didn't listen. Look at what a mess our family has become since you started speculating in stocks."
"How did it happen?"
The meals at home must be served on large plates. This is called "with a big plate in hand, you don't have to worry about food and drink." Once, the plate was too big and broke accidentally. Qi Long got angry and said that the big plate had collapsed.
There could be nothing green in the house, not even green vegetables. We only ate red peppers every day, and my father's mouth was full of red peppers, as if he hadn't gone to the toilet for a week, and his face was red from holding it in.
Even so, Qi Long was very happy.
"Are you happy about this?"
"Tell your father, 'Dad, just hold on to this color on your face. I'll buy you a box of enema when I make money later!"
"Is it immoral or not?"
"Also, other people's families organize outings for their children during holidays to go to various tourist attractions, but you, apart from climbing Xiangshan Mountain to see the maple leaves, go to the zoo to see monkeys. You watch them all day long, especially when you watch monkeys do somersaults. You can't say that you see blood twice as much!"
"How did you figure this out?"
"And my job? I was doing well at the post office, but you forced me to work at the fire department!"
"This is a red!"
"I'm not in good health. How can I bear the work of the fire brigade? You've gone crazy speculating in stocks. Don't you think about what will happen to our family if something happens to you?"
Dong Qiang nodded in agreement: "You should reflect on this carefully!"
At this moment, all the audience thought that Qi Long and Dong Qiang's crosstalk would be like other language programs, sublimated at the end and have some value.
No, Qi Long changed the subject: "At this time, the nurse pushed the door open and wanted to give me an injection. I asked, what kind of injection? Chloramphenicol!"
"Yes, there is green again!"
"Go out, change it to erythromycin for me. Also, I don't want you to give me an injection, call your head nurse!"
"Does the head nurse need to come?"
"Head nurse, head nurse, the Shanghai stock market is going to rise!"
"Still thinking about it?"
Qi Long and Dong Qiang stood up and bowed, and the crosstalk ended here.
Without forcing values, why do you expect that a few words about your values can educate others?
Just like Qi Long doesn't like to argue with others on the Internet, it's because he knows that people's growing environments, education levels, and world views are all different. Why do you expect others to agree with you just with your words?
Therefore, their crosstalk does not force value, but ends with a funny ending.
Some of the audience laughed from beginning to end, while others laughed a little bit and couldn't laugh anymore.
From this we can see that in this crosstalk, some people are listening to the jokes while others are looking in the mirror!
Obviously, there are many investors who are worried about the stock market!
After the crosstalk performance ended, the two did not leave because Qi Long still had a job as a magic backdrop.
Dongqiang didn't leave either, because the two of them had agreed that after the event they would go to Dongqiang's house for the New Year's Eve dinner, and after that Qilong would take a flight back to Beichun City early the next morning.
Soon, it was Liu Qian's turn to perform magic. In this magic, not only did Qi Long and others tear and throw the playing cards behind Liu Qian, but the audience also got four playing cards to participate.
This was a scene that had never appeared during the rehearsal. Watching the entire audience throwing half a poker card together and shouting, "Throw away your worries", the scene of the cards flying all over the sky was truly spectacular.
Qi Long was in the back, seriously throwing away the playing cards that Liu Qian had said should be thrown away. Nicomati, who was sitting next to Liu Qian in the front row, looked at this scene and shouted, "I'm sorry, cleaning lady!"
As a result, he threw the wrong card with this shout. Finally, Liu Qian said that the remaining two poker cards would be the time to witness the miracle.
Qi Long held a pair of playing cards and looked at Nicometti in front of him. Half of the playing cards were A and the other half were Q. He couldn't hold back his laughter. Nicometti turned around and pursed his lips, his face turned pale with fright.
"It's okay, it's okay. You chanted the spell wrong. I told you to shout your worries away, but you insisted on shouting sorry to the cleaning lady!"
Nicometti quickly raised his hand to tell him to shut up, saying, "You're still laughing after such a stage accident."
Nicometti heaved a sigh of relief when the director said that they had gone to film the audience seats.
Qi Long comforted him: "It's okay, it's okay. On the crosstalk stage, it will be more effective if you treat this mistake as a joke!"
After stepping down, Sa Beining also agreed with Qi Long's point of view. He also found that netizens had noticed that Xiao Ni's expression was stiff, solidified, and about to break. It immediately became a hot topic, pushing Qi Long's crosstalk entry to the bottom.
So Sa Beining made a quick joke and said in front of everyone during the Spring Festival Gala: "I heard that Xiao Ni's cards didn't match up. Qi Long, who was sitting behind him, said that because he chanted the spell wrong, he was told to yell 'Throw away your worries', but he insisted on yelling 'I'm sorry, cleaning lady!'"
For a while, this meme directly became the number one hot search, and no one could resist it.
When he was interviewed in the live studio of the Spring Festival Gala before leaving, Qi Long also talked about this: "We can no longer compete for the first place in the language program of this year's Spring Festival Gala. It should be Liu Qian and Nigo Maiti's program. Look at the last punchline. Xiao Ni's crosstalk is so good that ordinary crosstalk actors can't do it at all!"
Dong Qiang answered from the side: "That's right, but Liu Qian's comedy is not very good, the introduction is too long!"
“Hahahahahaha!” The host of the live studio laughed, “Not every two-person performance is a crosstalk, okay?”
(End of this chapter)
