Chapter 176 Deyun Crosstalk Tour First Stop
Deyun Society's national crosstalk tour is the largest performance of Deyun Society this year. It is similar to the ten-city tour that Qi Long participated in last year. This year, more cities have been added, and fifteen commercial performances have been added.
On the promotional poster, Guo and Yu are in the C position, with Gao Feng and Luan Yunping on the left, and Qi Long and Gao Dongqiang on the right. The two of them will participate in most of the performances, except for two that conflict with their personal shows.
The first stop was Jinling Station, which had a performance in the afternoon. Qi Long and Dong Qiang were called to have lunch as soon as they arrived at noon.
The reason was that Guo Qilin, who was filming in Hengcheng, Jiangsu Province, took a special leave to visit the set. He chose a place to treat everyone to a meal, and after the meal he had to rush back to continue filming.
"Dad, Master, and Uncle Master, the earliest and best people who cooked duck were from Jinling. This salted duck is really great. We ate it once before the crew started work, and I've been missing it since then. Let's have a meal here while you're here!" Guo Qilin introduced happily.
"Why think about ducks when there are so many other things to think about?" Yu Qian's teasing made everyone laugh.
A master of supporting roles, he can turn any joke into a joke, and even something that is not a joke into a joke.
Guo Degang was also visibly happy. He hadn't seen his son for a while, but the smile on his face never left his face.
"Qi Lin, your father really misses you and talks about you every day." Qi Long followed up by saying, "He wants to call everyone he catches his son!"
"Hahaha, that can't be wrong!" Guo Degang looked at Yu Qian with a smile.
Yu Qian pointed at the other side of Guo Degang and said, "Look over there!"
"Why are you looking at me?" Gao Feng was unhappy.
A group of crosstalk performers, even their meals are full of jokes.
Because of the performance in the evening, we couldn't drink at this time. If we didn't drink, the party would end quickly and everyone would go back to the hotel to rest and wait for the performance to begin.
After the dinner, Dongqiang went to the gym, and Qilong did some creative work in the room before heading to the theater.
As the first stop of the tour, the lineup was quite luxurious. Many captains were invited, such as Xiao Yue, Xiao Meng, Shao Bing and others. The audience was also particularly supportive and enjoyed everything, even the same old jokes that they had heard many times.
The third from the bottom is the stage for Qi Long and Dong Qiang. The crosstalk they performed is "Talking about the Past and Present", a literary gag program. Guo Degang and Yu Qian always want to use ethical gags, and they don't want to repeat what others do, so they use literary gags.
The next performance was "Five Poisons" by Guo Degang and Yu Qian. This crosstalk was not about five poisons, but five bad habits. The first two were smoking and drinking, and the last three were the default first songs in KTV: reject these three things of Governor Huang.
It's a crosstalk that uses the supporting role's family to make people laugh, saying that his father smokes, his uncle drinks, his second uncle always helps ragged girls and so on.
After Qi Longdong comes on the court, he has to take over the previous part.
"Just now, our two brothers performed a traditional program called "The Five Poisons"!"
"Correct!"
"They are all bad habits. For the first two, smoking and drinking are okay. Just don't smoke in places where you aren't supposed to smoke, so that others are forced to breathe in second-hand smoke. Don't get drunk and act crazy, or do things that cause trouble, even if they are personal hobbies. But you absolutely must not touch the last two. If you get involved, your life will be ruined. Let's all swear with me: I will never tolerate gambling and drugs!" Qi Long raised his hand and shouted solemnly.
Dongqiang turned his head and stared at him without saying anything.
Qi Long turned around and said, "Why, I'm so positive, why don't you respond?"
"No, Teacher Qi, you didn't mention a word about the one in the middle?"
The audience chuckled when Qi Long didn't mention Huang, but when Dong Qiang revealed the joke, it turned into laughter.
Qi Long waved his hand: "Haven't we talked about that yet? Alcohol is a poison that penetrates the intestines, and sex is a steel knife that scrapes the bones."
“That’s an old saying!”
"Look, isn't this talking about lust? Lust is like a knife hanging over your head, a steel knife that scrapes your bones. You can't get involved in it too much (right), unless your body is poisonous!"
Dongqiang originally agreed with him, but after hearing what he said, he became confused.
Qi Long explained: "Haven't you heard of scraping bones to cure poison? If you have poison in your body, you just need to scrape it, and the poison will be cured by the bone scraper. For example, if you drink alcohol?"
"Poison that penetrates the intestines?"
"Yes, it is reasonable to treat the poison that penetrates the intestine with a steel knife that scrapes the bones, right?"
"Oh, so what you said is that Brother Qian is trying to cure himself?"
"Well, that makes sense, right? Why don't you go and have sex with someone who's not infected? What if you get infected?"
"Such syphilis? I won't go!"
This is a joke with a homophone but different meanings. The audience didn't expect it at first, but they started laughing at this point.
Moreover, homophones with different meanings is the main technique of this comedy show, and Qi Long brought it up in the connecting part.
"Look, you're not going either. My explanation is reasonable, right?"
"What's reasonable about that? You're talking nonsense!"
"Just a joke to distract everyone from the last wonderful show. It's our turn to go on stage."
What followed was a normal self-introduction. Qi Long said that last year he made a lot of fools of himself on the crosstalk stage due to his lack of cultural attainments. After learning from his mistakes, he learned from Teacher Dong Qiang and decided to study hard and not make so many fools of himself on stage again.
"But you see, reading is something that really requires talent. I just can't get into a lot of books, but Mr. Dongqiang seems to be very devoted and can even immerse himself in the stories!
For example, some time ago, I was backstage and someone was watching The Analects. I went over and said, “Teacher Gao, Teacher Gao.”
"calls me!"
"Dong Qiang stood up immediately: Don't call me Teacher Gao, call me Confucius!" "Oh, I am putting myself in the shoes of a saint!"
"That's right, you have the same bad temper as Confucius, and you killed Shao Zhengluan."
"Mao"
"Yes, yes, yes. Anyway, I put myself in the shoes of the mighty Confucius. Seeing me disturbing you while you were reading, he yelled at me: Damn it, I'm reading, don't disturb me."
"Why am I still swearing?"
"Isn't it written in the Analects, Confucius said, 'Learn and practice it from time to time'"
"Yue, yueyue, that word is pronounced yue, you are talking about what happened after the date!" Gao Dongqiang corrected him.
Qi Long smiled and pointed at Dong Qiang: “Look, Teacher Gao has life experience!”
"What experience do you have?" Dong Qiang pushed him.
Qi Long continued, "After a while, Mr. Gao stopped reading The Analects and started reading Happy Journey. He was also very immersed in it. I went over and called out, 'Dongqiang, he stretched himself!'"
Qi Long on the stage began to imitate, a huge waist, mouth wide open, yawning, and knocking on his mouth with one hand, "Aba Aba Aba."
"I fell asleep while reading a book"
"No, you brought in the protagonist of "Xiao Yao You" and stretched his body: Don't call me Dong Qiang, call me Zhuangzi. I was amused when I heard it. I said, brother, are you also speculating in stocks? Are you the son of the Zhuang family?"
"What nonsense! Zhuangzi is a famous thinker!"
"I don't understand this profound thing very well, please forgive me. Today, when I went backstage, I saw Dongqiang studying the art of war!"
As soon as the words were spoken, the audience realized the gag and burst into laughter immediately.
This excuse is too thin, because the most famous Chinese military book is "The Art of War". If Dong Qiang puts himself in the book, wouldn't he say that he is the Sun Tzu?
Dong Qiang also knew that since the audience was already laughing, the joke had achieved its effect, so he immediately stopped Qi Long and changed the joke: "You read it wrong, I'm reading the Tao Te Ching today!"
The audience laughed again, the supporting actor’s counterattack, this is it!
Qi Long nodded: "Yes, yes, you are reading the Tao Te Ching!"
Dongqiang was excited: "You come over to ask me?"
"Yes, I went over to ask you, I said Mr. Gao Dongqiang, you slowly raised your head and said: Don't call me Mr. Gao Dongqiang, call me Erzi! I said, okay son!"
"Huh?" Dong Qiang was shocked: "Wait a minute, the Tao Te Ching was written by Lao Tzu!"
"What's my name?"
"Li Er!"
"Look, what's that? It should be the character in the name plus 'zi'. What you told me is the old name. He was originally called Erzi, but later when people started calling him Erzi, he got angry and cursed them: 'You are the son, I am the father!' After that, he was called Laozi."
"You're talking nonsense again. Is this how I got my name?"
Qi Long complained about him, saying that when he encountered something he didn't understand, he didn't humbly ask for advice, but instead just accused others of talking nonsense.
As the old saying goes, if three people walk together, there must be one who can be my teacher. I will follow the good ones. Everyone has strengths. Although my cultural level is not as high as yours, I have also obtained some research results after my painstaking study. You must learn from me!
Dong Qiang was full of disdain: "Your research results are what I used to call my son?"
"This is also in line with the laws of nature. Laozi studies the laws of nature. You see, he uses natural water to represent the Tao, right?"
Dong Qiang was a little surprised and said to the audience: "Don't tell me, he can really say something!" He turned around and asked Qi Long: "So what natural law does the son follow when he becomes his father?"
"You are such a blockhead. You have to be a son first before you can be a father. Was your father the father when he was born? No, he was your grandfather's son. He became the father only when you were born. That's the law of nature!"
Dongqiang hit the palm of his right hand with the back of his left hand: "Oh, Teacher Qi, you are really good at talking nonsense!"
"What nonsense! These are all the results of my research. I may not be as good as you in some books, but I have studied books like Three Character Classic and Book of Songs more thoroughly than you!"
Dong Qiang chuckled and said that he would test him with some questions from the two ancient books he mentioned.
He picked a sentence from the Three Character Classic, which is: There is a reason for calling it the Five Dynasties!
After hearing the question, Qi Long shook his head and said, "There's no way to explain this. You read it wrong."
"What's wrong?"
"The original sentence is 'Smoke five packs, all have oil', which means that in the past when there were no cigarettes, people could only smoke cigarette rods. After you smoked five packs of cigarettes, there would be oil in the cigarette rods, so after you smoked five packs, all have oil!"
"Ah? What if I smoke four bags?"
"Four bags are not enough, you need more, smoke four bags, and add more cigarettes!"
"What about six bags?"
"Six bags is too much. The accumulated e-liquid will cause the temperature of the pipe to rise rapidly, and it will crack. I smoked six bags and all of them cracked."
(End of this chapter)
