Chapter 213: Counterattack: Who asked Luan to play the fool?
Guo Degang flew over the next day. When he arrived at the theater in the afternoon, his two apprentices took turns to complain. Listening to their actions, Guo Degang laughed out loud.
“That’s so mean!”
"If the upper beam is crooked, the lower beams will be crooked too!" Qi Long said casually.
"What are you talking about!" Guo Degang stood up immediately: "Do you want me to wash your clothes?"
“Hahahahaha!” Qi Long laughed: “You were the one who taught these two!”
Qi Long had never had such an experience of fellow disciples hurting each other, because he was relatively young and his senior brothers were all caring towards him.
The only one who could hurt each other was Gao Dongqiang, but the mutual harm between the two of them was basically all on the stage. They never said anything privately like, "I'll send your shoes away, and you'll wash your gown the day before the performance."
At best, he would just add a little more vinegar to his bowl of noodles or something like that, which is nothing compared to his fellow apprentices.
They were happily chatting backstage and soon it was time for the performance.
This time, Qi Long and Dong Qiang’s show is the "De Yun Poker" that they have played before.
As soon as they came on stage, the two brothers started fighting after the previous show. Qi Long said that Dongqiang had an IQ problem when he was a child, his brain was not fully developed, and his cerebellum was completely underdeveloped.
Dongqiang was dissatisfied on the spot and the two wanted to compete with each other.
Of course, you can't play playing cards directly, so first compare the pairs. Not the real pairs, no need for the exquisite ones, just some funny ones will do.
Dongqiang wrote the first couplet: [Every flower and every grass is red, prosperous, lush, green, beautiful]
Qi Long shook his head in disdain and answered immediately: [A man and a woman go up and down, left and right BABA]
"What is BABA?"
"Never played arcade games? You can have an extra life!"
"I understand. Up and down, left and right, you'll have one more life!"
"Correct!"
The audience burst into laughter. Qi Long smiled slightly and said, "It's my turn to ask a question. I'll give you a long one that will be hard for you!"
"Come on!"
[A young boy is grazing on the grassland, watching sheep, cows and stars! ]
Dongqiang thought for a long time but had no answer.
Qi Long snorted coldly: "Listen carefully, my next line is, Teacher Yu Qian sneaks up on me in the middle of the night and wants to hug me and kiss me!"
The audience burst into laughter again.
Dongqiang waited until everyone had finished laughing, then stopped him and said, "Wait a minute, you little brat, the first word of the couplet is a master of color!"
"Teacher Yu Qian has a green head!" Qi Long responded righteously.
Dong Qiang clapped his hands: "What you said is right, no, no, it's not fair to the pair, you prepared in advance and memorized it, but I didn't prepare!"
"It's not fair, let's make it fair!" Qi Long took out a deck of cards, and each of them got a pile of cards. Now it was time to get down to business!
Whoever loses has to admit that there is something wrong with his brain!
The on-site effect is still very good. The ticket price for commercial performances is not low. The audiences who can come to support are all Deyun Club’s audiences and are also familiar with Deyun’s crosstalk actors.
Every time Qi Long and Dong Qiang took out a card, it would cause shouts of support for these actors.
Most of the jokes were the ones we played at the dinner table before, but we had a lot more content and some of them were refined.
For example, Wang Jiulong, a martial arts supporting actor, would use his hands to stop others from making funny comments, but he would just pull their hair. Zhang Jiuling's hair was almost pulled bald by them.
In order to deal with Wang Jiulong, Qi Long took out Lang Heyan, a bald man, where can you pull hair without it?
There were also things that happened just yesterday, such as Zhang Jiuling who washed clothes for others, and Zhou Jiuliang who mailed people's shoes separately, which were also temporarily incorporated into the crosstalk by the two.
The whole audience burst into laughter.
The poker cards are getting higher and higher. After the Crane section, it is time for the Cloud section.
Faced with Gao Dongqiang besides Yue Yunpeng, everyone thought that Qi Long would come up with a more popular actor.
Unexpectedly, he took out one: "Kong Yunlong!"
"Can you, Kong Yunlong, control Yue Yunpeng?"
"When Yue Yunpeng was a waiter, Kong Yunlong was a hotel security guard. When Yue Yunpeng was slapped by a customer, Kong Yunlong helped to slap him."
"Is it appropriate to help slap him? That was in the past. Can Kong Yunlong control Yue Yunpeng now?"
"You let Yue Yunpeng ride a motorcycle and crash into a Xiali, you let Yue Yunpeng practice with a national-level boxer, you let Yue Yunpeng be blown away by firecrackers?"
"You are going too far. How could Yue Yunpeng, who is so fat, be blown away?"
"That's incredible! Kong Yunlong dared to look for death in the toilet with a lantern. That's the scorpion poop of Deyun Club, one of a kind!"
"What kind of nonsense are these?" Dong Qiang said helplessly: "What kind of skill is it to seek death? A crosstalk artist should make people laugh!"
Qi Long spread his hands and said, "If Kong Yunlong wanted to die, we would definitely cry. But he is fine, right? Who wouldn't be happy after hearing about his experience?
You, Yue Yunpeng, are funny with your expressions and words, while Kong Yunlong is funny with his life! "
He spoke with great righteousness and the audience applauded!
Later, Qi Long and Dong Qiang took out each other's cards and insisted that you can control me, which also gave everyone a fresh experience of quarreling.
This quarrel is not about scolding others, but scolding yourself.
In order to prove that Qi Long is better than Gao Dongqiang, Gao Dongqiang did not hesitate to say on stage: "In crosstalk, you are often my father. Of course a father can control his son!"
"That's a crosstalk line. In real life, I treat you as my dad!"
"No no no, you're my dad!"
"You are my father!"
For the audience who have always watched crosstalk performers take advantage of each other on stage, this was the first time they saw one letting the other take advantage of the other. Such a novelty made everyone laugh so hard that they couldn't stop.
The two of them also played the game of "Who is Who's Father" on the stage. Unlike normal games, they both played the game of recognizing each other as relatives.
It was also a reverse joke, and received applause from everyone.
Guo Degang, who was watching the fun backstage, said to his disciples, "Look at how your uncle-master handles the burden."
There are so many crosstalk performers who pay each other fake compliments or fight with each other on stage that this kind of "you have to be my dad today" quarrel is rare.
This will trigger unexpected laughs in the audience, so if you find a joke, you don’t have to throw it forward, you can also throw it backwards.
This can actually produce unexpected results.
On the stage, crosstalk is not a table game after all, it needs a bottom line. Qi Long hid a card at the beginning, saying it was a very important life-saving card, which he would play at the end.
Everyone was curious about what card this was at the beginning. Later, Dongqiang's Qi Long card won, and Qi Long had no choice but to play Yu Qian, and defeated the so-called rebel king Qi Long with the Queen of Supporting Roles.
Gao Dongqiang naturally took out Guo Degang to deal with Yu Qian, and the two started fighting again.
"My senior brother is quite good, but how can he compare to your senior brother?" Gao Dongqiang said angrily.
"Your senior brother's filming scores are all high, my senior brother's filming scores are nothing, your senior brother is even better!"
"In the crosstalk, my senior brother's father and your senior brother are sworn brothers, and my senior brother's wife and your senior brother have a complicated and indescribable relationship. Your senior brother is so strong."
Finally, Qi Long surrendered again and reluctantly took out a whole set of crosstalk cards hidden in his pocket.
"Hey, room card."
"Don't take anything out!"
"We found this massage card, this one!" Qi Long showed it to everyone. It was an advertisement board made of playing cards, with Deyun Theater painted on it and a crowd of audiences below.
Dongqiang was puzzled: "What's the use of your billboard?"
"Did you see that? Audience members are Guo Degang's bread and butter. Can you do anything about it?"
"Isn't this cheating?"
The two bowed, and the show, which had been accompanied by the audience's cheers from beginning to end, ended.
Guo and Yu, who came on stage later, were joking when they took the job, saying who can control who?
"You take care of me, I recognize you as your father, you ask me for pocket money, I give you pocket money?"
"Do you admit it?"
"Hahaha, Qi Longdongqiang's show just now is called "Deyun Poker Cards", which is adapted from my master Mr. Hou's crosstalk "Business Card Poker Cards", which also reminded me of him.
To be honest, I really miss my master. I dreamt about him a few days ago. He told me that he was bored down there and had no one to help him. Disciple, please send your helper down to me!"
"Me? No, I have to see my master off. They are a perfect match!"
The audience burst into laughter, and Guo Degang looked at Yu Qian in surprise: "You are such a good disciple!"
The first sentence was the opening joke. After introducing Qi Long and others' performance, he started to tell his own jokes.
Qi Long and Dong Qiang, who were backstage, were pulled by Luan Yunping to discuss whether they should perform the whole thing in reverse.
So during the backstage, when Guo Degang asked someone to perform on stage, Qi Long said, "We have a little show together!"
Qi Long, as a narrator, told the story in a deep voice in front of the microphone: "Once upon a time, there was an army, and there was a fool in the army!"
When he said this, Gao Dongqiang held his head high as the instructor, and the other crosstalk performers stood in a row and took a step forward.
Luan Yunping looked around blankly before taking a step forward. When Qi Long mentioned the word "fool", everyone looked at Luan Yunping.
Qi Long's narration continued: "The war was about to start, and weapons were distributed to everyone, but the fool did not get any weapons. At this time, the fool asked."
Luan Yunping scratched his nose with his index finger: "Sir, why don't I have a weapon?"
Gao Dongqiang coughed twice and said, "You are an elite member of our army. You don't need weapons. When you are on the battlefield, you only need to make an eight with your hands and shout 'I will shoot you with a pistol'!"
Afterwards, everyone went to the battlefield, running and shouting "Charge!"
Only Luan Yunping was there, with a dull look on his face: "I'll shoot you to death with a pistol!"
Qi Long continued his narration: "The battle was very fierce. All the teammates who rushed to the front fell down. He was the only one left in the whole army, but he felt that his weapon was very useful because he saw that the enemies on the opposite side were also falling down.
At this time, the enemy came searching, and the fool hid behind a tree. "
Luan Yunping looked at his finger and said, "When he comes up, I will shoot him to death with my pistol!"
Qi Long left the microphone and walked out from the side stage on the other side.
Luan Yunping jumped out from beside the table and pointed his hand at Qi Long: "I'll shoot you to death with my pistol, I'll shoot you to death with my pistol!"
At this time, Qi Long pushed his hands forward and shouted in the same foolish tone as Luan Yunping:
"The tanks will crush you, the tanks will crush you!"
"Oh, there's a fool here too?" Yu Qian subconsciously joined in the joke, causing the whole audience to burst into laughter.
Guo Degang looked confused: "How did you convince Luan Yunping to play the fool? Did your uncle ask you to do this?"
"He brought it up on his own initiative!" Qi Long said he would not take the blame.
Guo Degang held the fan in his arms and said, "Who are you kidding? It must be you who did this. I'll shoot you to death with my machine gun!"
"Hahahahaha!"
(End of this chapter)
