Chapter 303 Crosstalk Performance: Talking about International Students
In the afternoon after lunch, the tour group visited churches and some buildings in London, and then had free time for travel and shopping. This free time was the time for Qi Long and Dong Qiang to work together.
Sitting beside a flowerbed on a street, Qi Long said casually: "We will perform in front of a group of international students. I will talk about some topics related to international students at that time."
"Row.
"You just said one sentence: You haven't studied abroad either, so what you said is not convincing! You can just throw this out when the situation gets a little muddy. I started by saying that I heard it from an old overseas student, and then talked about your father's experience studying abroad."
Dongqiang smiled and said, "Okay, what else does he have to do today?"
"It's the real work of the kitchen, what do you think?"
"Okay, hahahaha, one more job?"
Qi Long thought for a moment and said, "How about a show like 'AI seeing a doctor'?"
Dongqiang recalled: "I was the one who saw the doctor and then input the text. Are you the AI?"
"Correct!"
Qi Long had prepared this piece of work a long time ago. He had intended to use it in the "Crosstalk Competition", but Mr. Shi rejected it. It will only work in this kind of occasion.
The crosstalk performance seemed like a surprise attack, but the two of them made it clear in just a few words.
Yan Min's team is no longer surprised. They had seen it when they were filming "The Comedy Club". When Qi Long and Dong Qiang were partners, the two brothers only had to say a few words to each other. Many times, Dong Qiang had no idea what Qi Long was going to say on the stage. He only knew what the main point was and then he went on stage.
Now it’s nothing strange, it’s basic operation!
Soon the free time was over, and the tour group set off for the Royal University of the Arts. They listened to a symphony and then it was time for their performance. The performance venue was contacted by the German Yun Society, and the international students spontaneously promoted the free performance, and the labor fees were paid by the program team.
Qi Long and Dong Qiang have become famous all over the world thanks to their variety shows and crosstalk in the past two years, but at least many international students watch their shows. So when they heard that the two were going to perform crosstalk for free, they naturally came happily to join in the fun.
Meng Ziyi, who was dressed very beautifully, became the announcer. First, teacher Lu Zhong sang "A Long Song", the theme song of "Detective Dee".
Although the old sister is old, she is still full of energy and sings out the domineering power of Empress Wu Zetian.
Then Wang Lin sang and danced, which also received applause from the audience.
The lights were turned off, and the staff quickly moved the table to the front of the stage. Meng Ziyi walked onto the stage in the spotlight: "Next, please enjoy the crosstalk "Kitchen", performed by Qi Long and Gao Dongqiang!"
"Great!!!" With everyone's enthusiastic cheers, the stage lights were turned on again, and Qi Long and Dong Qiang quickly walked onto the stage.
Directly introduce yourself: "My name is Qi Long! This is Dong Qiang. Just now, Teacher Lu Zhong and Teacher Wang Lin sang a song respectively, and Teacher Wang Lin also danced a little."
"right"
"These two teachers actually have one thing in common with most of the friends here!" Qi Long spoke casually as if he was chatting with his family.
"What do they have in common?"
“They all returned to their home country after studying abroad!”
Dong Qiang was puzzled: "I really didn't know that. Did Teacher Lu Zhong study abroad?"
"The Zhou Dynasty that returned after studying in the Tang Dynasty!" Qi Long spread his hands, activated his cultural bulldozer skills, and made up historical knowledge.
Everyone burst into laughter, what a serious nonsense!
Dong Qiang also stopped him immediately: "Wait a minute, let's not talk about Teacher Lu just playing Wu Zetian, just talking about returning to the Zhou Dynasty from the Tang Dynasty is nonsense, it was Wu Zetian who called herself the empress and changed the country's name to Zhou. There was no Tang Dynasty during the Zhou Dynasty, and it was later restored!"
Qi Long listened to Dong Qiang's popular science with a puzzled look on his face. When he finished speaking, he suddenly realized: "Oh, according to you, Wu Zetian went to study in other countries and destroyed other countries to make them her own country?"
"Yeah, that's not right!"
Dong Qiang didn't stop him, Qi Long continued talking to himself.
"Then it will be difficult for everyone here to make Britain join China!"
The audience burst into laughter.
Dong Qiang quickly pulled Qi Long and said, "Come on, stop talking nonsense. You are embarrassing yourself abroad!"
"Okay, then I'm wrong about this, but Teacher Wang Lin really did study abroad!"
Dongqiang: "Where did you study abroad?"
"Look at the question you asked. Have you considered Wang Lin's feelings? If you tell me where she studied abroad, it will reveal her age. Women should never reveal their age!"
"What does where you study abroad have to do with revealing your age?"
Qi Long pointed at him: "You don't believe it!"
"I don't believe it. You must be talking nonsense again."
"Soviet Russia."
The whole audience burst into laughter and Dongqiang looked embarrassed.
This really reveals one's age. The Bear Country and several countries around it were superpowers before the 1990s. They disintegrated in the 1990s, and this country has disappeared since then.
So, according to this statement, Wang Lin went abroad to study at least thirty years ago. Doesn't this reveal his age?
Dong Qiang covered his face and said, "Oh, this is indeed exposed. I thought you were talking nonsense again!"
"Look, look, there are things you don't understand, and I also have areas I'm good at. I know more about international students than you do, so you have to ask me for advice. What does the old saying go, 'When three people walk together, there must be one person who can be my teacher?' Do you know what this sentence means?"
Dong Qiang pretended not to understand: "Please tell me."
"Have you seen Frank's promotional video? There are three of us, you kiss me, I kiss him, and he kisses you. There is always one person who takes the initiative to pursue the other. You can learn from him how to pursue a partner. This is called "When three people walk together, there must be one person who can teach me something!"
When Da Qilong talked about Frank's promotional video, the audience was already laughing hard. It was a hot topic in the world recently. The romantic and free Frank filmed a love triangle love story, and in the end he closed the door and showed the whole world his silence.
So everyone immediately got the joke and started laughing.
"You should just talk about international students instead of talking about traditional culture which you are not good at!"
Qi Long started talking about international students and first brought up the issue of dietary differences.
"The most uncomfortable thing for international students is the difference in food. Don't even mention foreign countries. Even in China, people from Guangdong cannot eat Hunan food because it is too spicy. A friend of mine from Guangdong went to Yunnan and had a bowl of rice noodles. He said it was very spicy. But when I looked at it, I realized it was just a bowl of clear soup without even pepper!"
"What's so spicy about it?"
“He told me that shallots are spicy!”
The audience laughed, and Dongqiang was surprised and asked, "Is that thing spicy?"
"For example, for people who don't like spicy food, even scallions will find it spicy. After eating Chinese food for more than ten or twenty years in China, it will be even harder for them to get used to foreign food when they go abroad, especially for us British students."
This statement really resonated with the audience. It is a universally recognized fact that Britain has no delicious food. Many people expressed their agreement with "hmm" and sighed with "ah".
"You're right, everyone nodded!"
"Of course not. Everyone knows the British menu. I know that many of our British students bring snacks from China to study abroad, but they are reluctant to eat them. They only eat a little bit during festivals. Hey, it's my birthday today, can I eat something delicious?"
"What to eat?"
"Give me a shrimp stick."
"what?"
"Today is Dragon Boat Festival, no, I have to eat something good, give me half a spicy noodle!"
"This"
"Today is Chinese New Year, a big day, let's eat good food, have a bottle of that good expired iced black tea!"
"It's okay if it's expired?"
"Oh, you don't know, these Chinese snacks are more valuable than money among international students!"
Qi Long's description was of course exaggerated, but the audience could empathize with him and laughed.
"Of course, if one of your international student friends can cook, and can cook great dishes, then there's nothing to say. He will be the social butterfly in the international student community, the center of attention, and he will have to buy food and ask others to cook for him every day."
“People who can cook are welcome everywhere!”
"Yes, this international student may lose his name and be called "chef" all the way until graduation. When graduation is approaching, those international students who have not yet graduated will cry when they send him back to their country, saying, "Oh, how can I live if you leave? Please take me with you. I don't want to live anymore!"
"This is a separation of life, don't act like it's a separation of death!"
[You want to leave, I know it's easy.] "Why are you still singing this?"
【Your food is our favorite! 】
"Still praising!"
[Even if we break up, can you teach me how to cook first, and then we can say goodbye]
Qi Long sang with a crying tone, but after all, it was a song with changed lyrics, so the pronunciation was still very clear. He added a few more sobbing sounds, and when the sobs came, Dong Qiang filled in with his voice, and they cooperated tacitly.
Everyone was really amused, especially the part about “Can you teach me how to cook first?” The whole audience burst into laughter and even applauded after the song was finished.
After that, Qi Long mentioned a few more points.
For example, many people abroad have a stereotype about Chinese students studying abroad, that is, they will not commit any crime. When they conduct inspections at shopping malls and check ID cards and passports one by one, Chinese students move forward to be checked first, but when they see that they are Chinese, they know they will not commit any crime and let them go.
When Chinese people have a party, it's not noisy at all. They just eat hotpot or barbecue, and at most sing a few karaoke songs, and that's great.
"One day, a group of police officers learned that a group of people had gathered in a spooky and strange place, so they drove over immediately. When they pushed the door open, they saw snacks on the table and a small notebook in front of each person. The leading police officer immediately called the team together. They were Chinese people, doing a script-killing game. Let's go!"
"Are you leaving now?"
"Maybe I can give you two bags of snacks."
"We international students are so well protected in our own country that we think it's the same overseas as here. Some people ask the police for directions, and the foreigners are dumbfounded. Some people even go to violent police stations on their own initiative? That's because in China, everyone is friendly, right?
In China, if you hear crackling noises on the street, it’s probably firecrackers being set off and people are going to join in the fun. A foreign student heard crackling noises on the street and thought it was firecrackers, so he went over.”
"what happened?"
"Shot in the butt."
"Oh, that's too tragic!"
"Also, the Free State garrison in South Korea said that he could distinguish between Chinese students and people from the island nation and South Korea."
"How do you tell them apart?"
"The island countries and South Korean countries are obviously afraid of him. When Chinese students see him, they will look at him curiously and even take pictures with their mobile phones."
Dong Qiang chuckled: "Of course not, the local specialties must be photographed as souvenirs!"
"Local specialty?" Qi Long wondered.
"Yeah, haven't you ever played Red Alert? The soldiers produced in the South Korean barracks are soldiers of the Free Country!"
There was a boiling roar of laughter, applause and cheers from the audience.
On the crosstalk stage, it's not all about the funny guys delivering the punchlines. If Qi Long finds that Dong Qiang has something else to say, or that there is something he doesn't understand clearly, and it's obvious that there is a punchline, he will cooperate. This is tacit understanding!
The two talked for a few more paragraphs, and although the effect was good, Dong Qiang saw that the time was almost up and was ready for Qi Long to get down to business, so he passed the message on.
"Hey, Mr. Qi, you're very lively and everyone is happy to listen to you, but I don't understand, how do you know so much about the international student community?"
Qi Long chuckled, "I have some international student friends around me. I heard from them that you don't know this friend of mine very well!"
"Who is it?"
"Your father!"
"Oh," Dongqiang pretended to agree subconsciously, and after causing laughter, he immediately raised his hand: "What you said is unreasonable. My father and I are not familiar with each other?"
Qi Long said confidently: "Look, the old saying is right: father and son are natural enemies!"
"never heard of that!"
"The child has just been born, and the woman who loves him the most has already married his father!"
"Isn't that nonsense?"
"As soon as the child is born, the woman you love the most will devote most of her attention to the child. How can there be no hatred between the two of them?"
“Is this revenge?”
"Of course, forget it. If there is a grudge, it means we are not familiar with each other!"
"You are making far-fetched arguments."
Qi Long asked him, "You are very familiar with your father? Do you know what your father experienced before he gave birth to you? Did he tell you about it?"
"That's not true, you know?"
"I know. I am familiar with your father. Before he gave birth to you, he was an international student." Qi Long said.
Dongqiang was puzzled: "Oh, where are you studying abroad?"
After saying "I'm at home", there was laughter from the audience again.
“Is it appropriate to study abroad at home?”
"Home is a country in Africa, Ghana!"
Dongqiang looked incredulous: "No, my dad went to Africa to study. What did he study there?"
"I studied this profession as a chef!"
As soon as these words were spoken, the whole audience burst into laughter. They had just been talking for a long time about how there was no delicious food abroad, and then Qi Long mentioned that Dongqiang's father went abroad to study and actually studied to be a chef!
"He went to Africa to learn cooking? Isn't that going far away? There are so many Chinese dishes, why would he go to Africa to learn African dishes?"
"Right, so I know why the chef is so popular. Your father was the social center for international students in Ghana, and he was the only one who was a professional chef!"
Dong Qiang commented: "He is just a fool"
Everyone in the audience was laughing so hard that they were rolling on the floor. After Qi Long finished his next sentence, the laughter escalated again.
“The others are studying beauty and hairdressing, and excavator majors!”
"That's not Ghana, that's home. It's in Shandong Province, right? Is it called Lanxiang or New Oriental?"
Qi Long shook his head: "It's called New Lanxiang, a branch campus jointly opened by two schools in Africa."
"They are a bunch of idiots. Can't they study in China? Why do they have to go to a branch campus to study abroad?"
Qi Long waved his hand: "Oh, no, no, the dishes learned in the African campus are different. Did your father learn a special dish in that school? It was taught by a Zambian teacher."
"What dish?"
"Nshima!"
"Oh, I haven't heard of this before, can you introduce it to me?"
"There is a crop called corn that exists nowhere else but in Africa. Have you heard of it?"
"It's ripe, old corn, how could I not know that?"
“Break off the kernels when they are ripe!”
"Oh, corn kernels!"
"Grind it into powder!"
“Corn meal!”
"Put this powder in a pot, add water and cook it. This is called Enshima. Isn't it magical?"
"What's so magical? Isn't this just cornmeal porridge? My father traveled thousands of miles to Africa to learn how to make cornmeal porridge?"
The audience burst into laughter and applauded continuously!
At first, they were stunned by Qi Long's serious statement and really thought it was some delicious dish. But in the end, it was just an ordinary thing.
Qi Long added: "Don't you know that your father made this when you were a kid and just after you were weaned? He put it on the ground and you lay in the basin and drank this Enshima!"
"What do you mean by raising him like a dog? Then we do have some grudge against each other!"
The joke turns around and the laughter rises again!
(End of this chapter)
