The crosstalk continued, and it was still about learning to speak. This time Qi Long asked Yu Qian to learn five sentences. The first three sentences were the same as the previous ones, and Yu Qian also said "Wrong, isn't it."
When it came to the fourth sentence, Qi Long took a breath and was about to speak, then turned around and asked Yu Qian: "How many sentences?"
Yu Qian gave a subconscious answer: "Three sentences!"
Oh, wrong again. You should say whatever I say within five sentences.
This traditional joke still makes the audience laugh when performed by two people.
It is also very easy to control the time for a show like "Anyway Talk" where the supporting actors compete with each other. If you want the performance to last longer, you can add a few more items: "Learning to Speak", "Riddles", "Couplet", "Answering the Relevant Questions", etc.
You have to control the performance time and leave some time for later. After one or two performances, you can get down to business.
The previous performances were a bit overtime, in order to leave enough time for Guo Degang and Shi Fukuan who were the last to perform, Qi Long chose to get down to business after the end of "Learn to Speak".
"Give me another chance!"
"Don't go on, Mr. Yu. If you continue, it will be even more obvious that you are not in the right mind!"
"No, no, no, I'm pretty smart!"
"Well, let's not learn to speak anymore, let's just say something else!"
"What do you mean by anyway?"
Qi Long explained the meaning to everyone. He said a sentence and Yu Qian said it back.
For example: if I say table, you have to say sub-table, but it’s not exactly the other way around. If I say my table, you have to say my sub-table.
Yu Qian understood: "Come on, what's so difficult about this?"
“My desk.”
"My sub-table!"
"My stool!"
"Hi, my stool." Yu Qian smiled contemptuously. This was too easy.
Qi Long said, "I have a stool for two."
Yu Qian opened his mouth and said: "I glared at them."
After he finished speaking, he realized: "Who are I glaring at?"
For this job, many times after the supporting actor finishes speaking, he has to come up with the funny parts of his own words, acting helpless and confused to trigger laughter.
In this field of pretending to be confused, Yu Qian is considered to be a top-notch crosstalk performer, at least among those still alive, and his performance is quite good.
The first few words are from traditional jokes. It is impossible for Qi Long to perform only traditional jokes. He has to add some new things, right?
"My university life is great!" Qi Long wanted to set the stage for a joke, but Brother Qian came up with another compliment.
"I'm a good college student!" He deliberately emphasized the erhua sound, which immediately caused the audience to laugh.
"Ok?"
Yu Qian said seriously: "What's wrong? I'm living a good life. What do you think?"
Qi Long also reacted quickly: "I thought you were talking about crosstalk!"
Continue: "My kindergarten!"
"I'm round and small, I'm a little fat, huh?"
“I’m in high school!”
"I am middle to high"
"I'm in junior high school!" Qi Long said these three words firmly.
Yu Qian immediately followed: "I got it. No, no, I got it right!"
The whole audience burst into laughter, and Yu Qian's performance of almost saying the wrong thing twice in a row directly pushed the popularity to a new high.
"Say something normal!" Yu Qian stretched out his hand to stop Qi Long.
Qi Long nodded: "Okay, then let's eat?"
“Eat well, eat well.”
“I eat hot pot.”
"I've eaten fire before, man, I'm not afraid of burning myself!"
“I eat teppanyaki!”
"I eat on the teppanyaki plate. I'm really not afraid of the heat."
"My dry beef!"
"My beef is jerky!"
"Okay, I'm a fan!"
"The fans... cough cough cough!"
The effect was surprisingly good. Everyone started laughing at the fire-eating scene, and the laughter gradually escalated.
"You carry the load, and I'll lead the horse!"
"The horse is carrying me, and you are holding the load. How painful is this thing?"
Amid the laughter, many interesting words came up, such as those used in traditional activities.
The funny man said: I have a small belly, the straight man said: I have a boy in my belly?
Qi Long was surprised: "Whose?"
"It's your business or not? It's the fans' business!"
This is also looking back to the past.
The two of them kept talking, and finally they talked about the garden, roses, roses, roses, peonies, and peonies.
Qi Long: "I am a dogtail flower!"
"I'm a dog with a flowery tail!" Yu Qian yelled, then he realized what was happening and pushed Qi Long: "Go to hell."
The two took a step back and bowed to express their gratitude. Thus ended the traditional act of "Speaking Anyway". This act is a typical one that looks easy but is not so easy to perform. It especially tests the performance ability of the supporting actor, because he often has to tell his own story after he finishes speaking.
It would be easier if they only had the right words, but serious crosstalk performers would improvise on any stage except for those with strict rules like evening parties.
Therefore, the supporting actor often has to say the words improvised by the funny actor, and also has to find a way to deliver the gag, which increases the difficulty.
Of course, on the crosstalk stage, the supporting actors and the funny actors rely on each other, and you have to give a similar order when you improvise. For example, when Qi Long was talking about junior high school, he first mentioned various schools and compressed the number of words as much as possible. Before Yu Qian even reached junior high school, he knew what the punchline was about.
The same applies to eating. The dried beef is actually a reminder, so the other party can quickly realize where the burden is.
So this job is fun and it’s a new experience every time, not only for the audience but also for the actors!
After the two of them finished their performances, it was Guo Degang and Shi Fukuan's turn for the final performance. After the father and son came on stage, Guo Degang took over.
"The two people just now are Qi Long and Yu Qian. Qi Long is my junior fellow apprentice, and Yu Qian is Mr. Shi's apprentice and also my partner. Fans joke that I am the emperor of crosstalk. You really flatter me. Around me, there is the queen mother of crosstalk!" Shi Fukuan: "Why am I the queen mother?"
"I'm just saying this anyway, Mrs. Hou."
"Mrs. Hou?"
"Mr. Hou Yaowen's wife!"
"When did I become his wife?"
Guo Degang said: "When crosstalk actors work together, it's like a couple. After a long time, it becomes like a family relationship!"
"That's right."
"Take me and your apprentice Yu Qian for example. I am the crosstalk emperor, he is the eldest prince, and Qi Long is the second prince."
"You can't bear this." Shi Fukuan was about to tell the joke when the audience burst into laughter.
The reason was that Qi Long was standing on the side stage holding a flower pot, and Yu Qian was coming over to pull him.
"Don't pull me, I just want to ask you a question, why is he the eldest prince?" Qi Long held the flowerpot and pointed at Yu Qian with his other hand.
Yu Qian, who was holding Qi Long, immediately let go of him and shouted, "Nonsense, how many years have I been working with my father?"
The whole audience burst into laughter, and Shi Fukuan came up to chase them away: "Go away, go away, go to the side and fight, we are performing crosstalk here."
Qi Long and Yu Qian left with a smile. The effect of this knock was quite good.
"I thought you were going to say that you are not the prince, so I followed suit, but you ended up asking, 'Why am I the eldest prince? Hahaha!" Yu Qian laughed softly after stepping down from the stage.
Qi Long: "Your line is really brilliant. Many audience members couldn't help laughing!"
When we got to the backstage, they were also laughing, but it was obvious that they were not laughing at their beatings. They were laughing while holding their phones.
Qi Long came up to Gao Dongqiang and said, "What are you looking at so happily? I want to listen too."
"Hahahaha, Jiaoer, look at this."
Qi Long took the phone, and there was a message in English on it, which was obviously from an overseas social platform, and it seemed like there was a quarrel.
The comments that were insulting were all liked, and many foreigners said they wanted to take notes.
What: "Shakespeare from China, he curses people so poetically!"
"I can't think of another word like this to put into a sentence."
"I will write this down: Crawl back into the abyss from which you were born!"
Qi Long immediately got it. This was something that a Chinese netizen translated into a foreign language using a Chinese phone and posted when they were arguing with each other!
"If I'm not mistaken, this sentence should be, crawl back into your mother's belly." Qi Long joked with Dong Qiang.
Dong Qiang suppressed his laughter and nodded: "That's amazing, but you said it in a civilized way, hahahaha!"
"This sentence 'your mother let you go free after giving birth to you', should it mean that you were born by your mother but not raised by her?"
"Right! Guess what: I'm going to embed you firmly into the wall, and if I scratch the wall with my nails, you'll break with it!"
Qi Long thought for a moment and said, "Is it impossible to get you out of the wall even if I kick you into it?"
"Hahahahaha, yes, I've been watching for a long time, all kinds of online scolding, and I found that foreigners are really not good at fighting. A simple sentence like 'born by a mother but not raised by a mother' can make them break down."
“That’s what foreigners say: The wall is not to protect us, it’s to protect them!”
"Hahahahaha!"
Dongqiang excitedly told Qilong what he had seen before, saying that a South Korean was sarcastically saying on the Internet that our Chinese fighter jets were imitating those of the Free Country, and then a buddy left him a message that was so devastating.
What I mean is: How can we compare to you, who established a country on the military base of the Free Country.
South Koreans say: Isn't China peace-loving? Why is its annual military expenditure the second largest in the world?
An elder brother retorted to him and he broke down again: That's to make your father, who loves peace first, spend the most.
While the audience in front is listening to the crosstalk, the two partners backstage are sharing interesting things. These sharings can be used in the crosstalk in the future. For example, in the previous special on international students, we can include various scenarios in which international students can break down the defenses of foreigners with just one sentence.
Compared with foreign languages, the Chinese language is profound and extensive. Without mentioning anything else, just the word "profound and extensive" is very profound and extensive!
Chinese has very rich semantics, and two simple words can form an output with a huge amount of information. So when it comes to swearing, foreigners may need a long string of words to output a basically harmless swear word, while the Chinese only need a simple sentence to make you sometimes not even realize that you are swearing at them.
For example: I wish you infertility and a large family with many children and grandchildren!
After saying this, it may take a long time for foreigners to realize that this thing is directed at him!
Crosstalk with foreigners and the like can all be used, but try to use it in small theaters.
The two brothers were chatting and laughing, and soon it was time for the encore. Dongqiang, who was cheerful backstage, became well-behaved once he came on stage. After all, his old mentor Mr. Shi Fukuan was there, so he stood obediently at the back and acted like a good boy.
The counter-performance began. Today, Zhu Hecong came up and performed a Tianjin quick-talking book.
The content of the book is that a man went abroad and when he returned home he found that his wife was having an affair with someone else behind his back. He was furious at the time. His wife told him that his car, his watch, his house, and everything he ate and used were all bought by his eldest brother.
The protagonist immediately changed his expression: "Cover up big brother with a blanket, or he'll catch a cold!"
Everyone on and off the stage was laughing, only Lao Guo looked sad. He walked to the microphone and said, "He learned this before he joined the Deyun Society. I didn't teach him. Tell me, who taught you?"
Zhu Hecong was a specialist in clapper talk before he met Jin Henan, so he must have learned it before. However, he put the blame on Qi Long on stage: "I learned it from my uncle-master!"
"How many times have I told you to stop playing with your uncle, but you didn't listen? Come on, Qi Long, as your uncle, perform a Tianjin fast-paced storytelling!"
As soon as Qi Long saw Guo Degang's eyes, he knew that he was inviting him to do something improper.
He walked onto the stage with a smile, made a few "dangdang lig" sounds with his mouth, and began:
[Some time ago, I was very busy with work, and I traveled all over Europe to look for Dongqiang. The tour group he led was wandering around outside. The girls in the tour group were all pretty, but they accidentally ran into a gangster. He was not interested in the girls, so he just stared at Gao Dongqiang.]
This is the punchline. The audience and the actors on stage all laughed, and Dongqiang laughed helplessly in the background.
[Dongqiang's muscles attracted his attention. He whistled and tried to tease Dongqiang. Dongqiang raised his hand and slapped him. The gangster's face was distorted after being hit. In anger, he started to curse, "You bastard, you dare to hit my face. Today I will scold you until you cry."]
[The gangster started to use dirty words, greeting Dongqiang's parents and ancestors. Dongqiang sneered at you, a foreign gangster, for daring to compete with me, a crosstalk actor, to see who is better at talking. I don't need to scold you, but instead send you blessings. The blessing confused the gangster. What kind of blessing? Listen to me: I wish you infertility and a large family! ]
"Hahahahahahahaha!" The whole audience burst into laughter and applauded.
This startled Guo Degang who was standing nearby. Guo Degang walked to the microphone and said, "Zhu Hecong really learned this from you!"
Everyone else was laughing at the fact that the last line was a curse sentence with a lot of information, only Dong Qiang gave Qi Long a thumbs up.
Others may not know, but he does. He just told Qi Long this. He composed an impromptu quick-paced book titled "A hooligan teases Gao Dongqiang, and Dongqiang retorts with blessings" based on his recent trip abroad. It was so smooth, he's invincible, invincible!
"Gao Dongqiang, come here and show us how to curse!" Guo Degang waved to Gao Dongqiang.
Amidst the laughter, Dongqiang walked to the front of the stage: "No, no, my master is here, how can I curse in front of my master?"
"Then what are you going to do?" Guo Degang asked.
Dong Qiang said: "Let me sing you a song I learned abroad."
"it is good!"
【abcd】
Dongqiang began to sing the alphabet song. The key point is that he did not pronounce the alphabet song in foreign language, but in pinyin. He sang: "Aboci's goose Buddha song, why do you feel hungry and thirsty?"
The singing speed is very fast, as if the mouth is rented and it seems urgent.
After it was over, Shi Fukuan, who was standing on the other side, came up and kicked him: "You might as well curse!"
"Hahahahahaha!" (End of chapter)
