The main part of "Praise for Excellence" is to enumerate all kinds of good things from beginning to end.
The pace will be very fast and the performance can be completed in about ten minutes or so, which obviously does not meet the time requirements of commercial performances, so a lot of padding is added at the beginning.
Qi Long's introduction started with talking about Dong Qiang's excellence, his parents' excellence, and the many details in his family.
The details are naturally bizarre, from the sound of firecrackers when waking up to the onions for breakfast, and the joke about holding your breath while cutting onions in a basin of water.
"After eating onions, the spicy taste makes people feel refreshed"
“Refreshed!”
Qi Long nodded: "Yes, yes, he is full of energy, okay, he is as energetic as a psychopath!"
"Did they say that?"
"It's just like taking stimulants. If you three eat onions and then swim in a swimming ring, your faces will turn purple like onions when you come out!"
Dong Qiang pushed him: "I haven't heard of it. Do you mean that the swimmers of the Liberty Country all ate onions before going into the water?"
This is keeping up with current events and made the audience burst into laughter.
"After you are in good spirits, you can handle work and study with half the effort. Your parents go to the company to handle work, and you go to school. Let's not talk about you. You didn't go to an aristocratic college. You just followed the school's arrangements. There was not much to it. But your parents handle work, which is very particular!"
"Oh, there are rules for this, right?"
"Of course not. If you go to meet a client with a mouth full of onions, won't the client be annoyed?" Qi Long said as a matter of course.
Dong Qiang flipped the bag: "That would be a good way to cheer up the customers!"
It's a technique used by the supporting actor to flip the gag, picking up the foreshadowing from before and throwing it out, and the effect is even better than before, and it also throws a difficult problem to the funny actor. Let's see how you explain it.
Although there is no recital in this part, Qi Long has a plan: "This is your family's unique skill and you must not let others know about it."
"Oh, how did you know that?"
"Your father calls me godfather."
"what?"
"Your father calls me his godson, and I am his godfather. No, I am half your family member. Besides, you have become a successful person now, so you don't have to worry about the secret recipe being leaked out!"
Dongqiang suddenly realized and showed off to the audience: "Did you hear that, guys? You are here. If you want to be energetic in the morning, eat onions!"
"Go on. When the couple arrives at the company, they have to rinse their mouths with mouthwash first. Of course, after rinsing their mouths, you have to see if the onion smell is gone. Your parents' mouths gradually move closer, and they use their taste buds to taste each other to see if there is any onion residue left."
"It's just a kiss, why do you make it so complicated!" Dongqiang translated in plain language.
Qi Long nodded: "But there is a problem here. Look, your parents eat onions every day, so they are not that sensitive to the spicy taste of onions anymore. They can't taste it!"
"then what should we do?"
"It's easy. Your father will find a female secretary, your mother will find a male public relations officer, and let two subordinates help with the tasting."
The whole audience burst into laughter. It was a long laugh that lasted for more than five seconds. Many of them were so happy that they pinched their thighs.
Qi Long pointed to the audience and said, "Dear audience, when you laugh, pinch your own thighs, don't pinch the thighs of the people next to you!"
Another burst of laughter, scoring twice.
After the laughter stopped, Dongqiang sighed: "My parents have a lot of fun in the company."
The laughter that had just stopped performed a hat trick. With the same joke, Qi Long made the audience laugh once, and Dong Qiang repeated the joke again.
Qi Long continued: "The subordinate checked, but the secretary was not rigorous and finished the check in two seconds. The male PR was very responsible. It was not enough to check once, so he had to check again. He went in and out for more than half an hour, and he finished the check when the customer arrived. Your father was very happy. What a responsible subordinate!"
"My dad is so stupid!"
"A client came and talked to your parents about business, and during the conversation he took out a pack of gum and handed it to your mother."
"This is?"
"Madam Chairman, your breath reeks of cigarettes!"
"Hey! It's better not to check!"
This was an unexpected joke, and instantly the entire audience burst into laughter and cheers.
Then we talked about lunch. Their family also had their own rules for lunch. After the head of the family went out, the servants would start preparing.
"An old hen over two years old with thick chicken fat, a duck over two years old with a rosy white hue, a small piece of Iberian 5J black pork ham, and a large pork elbow. Put them all in the pot and blanch them. Remove the foam and clean them. Put them all in the pot and simmer over low heat."
Dongqiang sighed: "It sounds delicious!"
"Without chicken soup, it is not fresh; without duck soup, it is not fragrant; without pork elbow soup, it is not thick; without ham soup, it is tasteless. These ingredients are simmered over low heat for four hours to blend the aroma of the meat into the soup. Then filter the soup, chop the chicken breast, duck breast, and lean tenderloin into fine minced meat, mix with the cooled broth, and pour the minced meat soup into the soup."
Dong Qiang asked on behalf of the audience: "What is this?"
"The clear soup is also called the clear soup. When the minced meat is cooked, the fat and impurities in the soup will float up. Then when the soup is served, it is crystal clear and you can see the bottom of the bowl at a glance. If it weren't for the light brown color brought by the ham, it would look like boiling water."
"Wow, this is what we drink at home?"
"No, no, no, this soup is the base. Next, I'll get two small cabbages, remove the skin and the tendons, pour the clear soup over them and steam them. After steaming, pour out the soup mixed with the green and astringent taste of the cabbage, and replace it with a spoonful of clear soup. That's what you guys have for lunch: boiled cabbage!"
Dong Qiang nodded: "This is what I call non-spicy Sichuan food!"
"It sounds complicated. There are three people in Dongqiang's family. Each person gets one cabbage. They finish their lunch after lunch."
"Wait a minute, each person in our family only has one cabbage leaf?"
Qi Long said disdainfully: "What about boiling water? How troublesome is the process of boiling water?"
"No, it has nothing to do with whether it's troublesome or not. We can't be full with just one leaf of cabbage. How about the meat to boil water?"
"The servants ate it. The meat has been stewed for such a long time that it has lost its chewiness. It is not tasty. Your family is particular about food. That is for the servants. You can eat some cabbage and two steamed buns each and you will be full!"
"The servants eat meat, and we eat steamed buns with vegetables?"
"There is also boiled water, but sometimes the servants don't handle it properly and it has a fishy smell."
"Can this smell fishy?"
“I found out later.”
"what do you know?"
"One day, I rushed to your house at dinner time to get a bite to eat. I thought that rich families must have good food. Your family didn't know I was coming, so they didn't prepare anything. There were only six steamed buns and three slices of cabbage. Dongqiang drank all the soup. Godfather had no choice but to let me eat with the servants."
"What does this have to do with the smell?"
"Did you listen to me? When I walked in, hey, the servants were eating pretty well, a pot of cabbage stalks fried with chicken fat."
“The leftover cabbage from making boiled cabbage and the chicken fat from the old chicken.”
“A pot of roast chicken.”
"Huh?" Dongqiang, who was explaining just now, is now confused.
"A pot of roast duck, a pot of braised pork elbow, and Iberian ham fried with peppers. I was stunned when I saw them. Shouldn't these things fall apart when making boiled cabbage? They can't be formed into shape. What's going on?"
"Yes!"
"The servants are panicking. Master Gan, please don't tell the master, the mistress and the young master that it's too troublesome to cook boiled cabbage. We might as well just seize the raw materials and add some chicken essence, duck meat essence, elbow powder, thick soup essence and the like to deal with it. Anyway, their tongues are pickled with onions and they can't taste the difference!"
After so much preparation, here comes the punchline.
"So we were fooled? We ate a lot of powder?"
"And then you stewed the chicken, duck, fish and meat and ate them yourself?"
"The master is very particular. He won't eat anything else. He wants to eat boiled cabbage. We have no choice. Please don't tell anyone. We will be beaten to death if we do. I am kind-hearted so I didn't tell you. I followed them for a meal and now I feel the urge to pee."
The audience had already reacted by now and started laughing.
Dongqiang pretended that he hadn't reacted yet: "No, I'm asking you about the fishy smell. What's the reason for your urgency to pee?" "When you're in a hurry to pee, the guy said, don't go to the bathroom. Go to that pot. Tomorrow, add water and various chemicals to dilute it and you'll get the boiled cabbage water. That's how you get the light tea color."
"How disgusting is this thing?"
"Okay, I'll honor my godfather this time. I'll make boiled Chinese cabbage for lunch tomorrow, and I'll provide the raw materials!"
"Don't mention it, are we going to eat it tomorrow?"
"Your family is very particular about eating and cooking the same thing every day. This is something that was passed down from your grandfather's generation, and it must be done with care!"
Dong Qiang nodded: "My grandfather is particular about drinking urine?"
Amidst the laughter, Qi Long said: "Not really. Your grandfather was more particular. At that time, the country had not yet been established. Your father was a famous wealthy man."
"That's true!"
"At that time, your grandfather's family had herds of mules and horses, rice and flour in warehouses, (hmm), gold and silver in vaults, banknotes in knives, (wow), jewelry in boxes, chickens and ducks in gates, (right), uncles in piles, and fathers in piles."
Dongqiang pushed it away and said, "That's outrageous. There are piles of uncles and piles of fathers. That's nonsense."
"In short, your grandfather is an absolute wealthy man!"
"That's true. My grandfather was rich back then!"
From here, we get into the main part of the work, "Praise the Classics". This work was written by an old artist before the founding of the People's Republic of China, making fun of the local rich man who looked down on him. It is talking about the father of the supporting actor. Qi Long and the others are too young, so saying "father" is not appropriate, so they changed it to saying "grandfather".
"Your grandfather was rich but he was also particular about eating, drinking, defecating, urinating, sleeping, movements, behavior, and everything else he did was very particular!"
"What are they?"
Qi Long opened his mouth and said, "First of all, your grandfather is very particular about health preservation. He drinks three bowls of soup every day!"
“No boiling water for boiling cabbage, right?”
"That's so greasy!"
"It also smells fishy!"
The jokes trigger laughter. Many old fans have heard the jokes in the main show, so we tell more different jokes to give everyone a new experience.
Qi Long continued: "Your grandfather's three bowls of soup are different. The first bowl is a wood fragrance soup, which can separate the air. The clear air rises (hiccups) and the turbid air goes down (pu~)"
Qi Long added sound as he spoke, which caused laughter again.
"No need for dubbing for this!" Dong Qiang stopped Qi Long who was still dubbing and said, "Where's the second bowl of soup?"
“The second bowl is bird’s nest soup!”
"What good is this!"
"Replenish your Qi. You just burped and farted, and all the Qi in your body has escaped. You need to replenish some of your Qi. Otherwise, you will only have Qi going out and Qi coming in. You should drink the third bowl of Meng Po soup!"
"Never heard of it! What do you drink in the third bowl?"
"The third bowl is for the love potion!"
"Ah? One is for dividing Qi, the other one is for replenishing Qi. This magic potion should be used up now."
The traditional jokes still elicited laughter. It seems that our friends in Sichuan Province don't always listen to crosstalk. They still enjoyed these old jokes as much as the first time.
This made Qi Long and Dong Qiang completely relieved, and they could follow the old routine without letting the atmosphere become tense.
"I was wrong. Ginseng soup warms you up."
"Oh!"
"Eating is also very particular. Your grandfather doesn't eat like your father. He eats chicken and duck elbows, which are available in the market."
Dongqiang nodded: "Yes, drinking more water can also produce raw materials!"
"Your grandfather is different. He eats delicacies from land and sea."
"Then what is this matter, Shanzhen?"
"Your grandfather wants to eat monkey heads, white fungus, charred pears, red dates, bear paws, deer tails, tiger breasts, camel humps, phoenix marrow, dragon livers, wolf hearts, and dog lungs!"
"How cruel? Can you eat that thing?"
This is an old joke, but Qi Long suddenly came up with an impromptu creation: "You are what you eat!"
Dong Qiang quickly responded: "Fuck you, you are calling my grandfather a ruthless person!"
"Just kidding, I just said that the old man eats well and is particular about food."
"What about seafood?"
Qi Long opened his mouth and ate several kinds of seafood, such as abalone and sea cucumber, which later turned into fish maw, fish belly, fish skin, fish tail, fish eyes, fish bones and fish bones.
“You eat fish bones too?”
"The old man is squatting under the table and eating deliciously!"
"My grandpa squats under the table to eat?"
"The cat eats under the table!"
"What are you talking about my grandpa? What about the cat? We've talked about eating and drinking, what about sleeping? Is there anything special about sleeping with my grandpa?"
"Yes, your grandfather has to change his bedding five times a night. The bedding is different at the first, second, and fifth watch."
Qi Long said one by one that there was no change of quilt and cushion every day.
“How exquisite!”
"It is indeed very particular, but there is only one problem."
"what is the problem?"
"I didn't sleep all night, and I just changed the bedding!"
The elderly get sick due to lack of sleep. When they are sick, they have to be careful and don’t take ordinary medicine.
Qi Long opened his mouth and listed dozens of well-known pharmacies, such as Tongrentang, Darentang, and Hongrentang. The same as the previous list, it became a burden in the end. You also include the Frankish Zhengbai Banner Pharmacy and the island country's Gangben Pharmacy.
"What a mess! I've never heard of Gangben Pharmacy!"
"Selling that 003, a drug made of rubber, it seems to say that if you take it you won't have children!"
"That's not food!"
This little joke made the audience burst into laughter.
Then he talked about taking medicine, which also has its own rules. Qi Long mentioned many kinds of medicines, all of which were precious medicines, such as Siamese rhino horns and African antelopes. The things he mentioned at the beginning were all serious things that could be used as medicine, but he started to get less serious at the end.
All kinds of poisons were mentioned, such as heartbreak grass, paraquat, arsenic, snake venom, and the eye-stretching pill.
"Can you eat all of this?"
"It is important to treat the disease with poison. Chinese medicine alone is not enough. We also need some Western medicine, such as the 502 of the Franks, the Boeing 737 of the Free State, the Louis XVI of England, and the 003 of the Island Country."
"What is all this mess?"
"Look at this, it's so particular, but in the end you took the wrong medicine, and your grandpa passed away, he passed away, he ascended to heaven, he died, he fell asleep, he passed away, he died, he donated his life, he burped, he was embarrassed, he was sick"
Qi Long used countless words to describe the old man who died, and Dong Qiang finally couldn't help but take action.
"You don't need so many words. Is my grandfather a screwed man? Is he dying in circles? One word is enough!"
"Okay, your grandfather," Qi Long said sadly, "will die with his eyes open!"
"There are so many words, just pick the worst one!" (End of this chapter)
