Chapter 98 "I Want to Bring Goods"
The front speaker finished speaking, and the two of them briefly introduced themselves and talked about the four lessons of crosstalk: speaking, learning, entertaining and singing. Qi Long asked Dong Qiang what he was best at, and he said he was good at learning.
"What are you good at?"
"There are so many, flying in the sky, running on the ground, ducks in the water, jumping in the grass nests, various opera singing styles, human voices, bird sounds, merchants shouting, people from different provinces talking, and the mute making gestures." Gao Dongqiang listed them one by one.
Qi Long was surprised: "I asked about your expertise. Are you good at all these?"
“I’m good at both!”
"Then you show us the first one, the one that flies in the sky, let's do it." Qi Long thought.
Gao Dongqiang: "What to learn?"
"Plastic bag!" Qi Long's eyes lit up, he thought of a good idea and looked at Gao Dongqiang.
"plastic bag?"
"Yes, when the wind blows, the plastic bag will sometimes roll in the air. Why don't you flip the plastic bag backwards? Come on, start your performance!"
"Go away, I can't come. Is there anyone learning how to use plastic bags?" Gao Dong pushed him hard.
Qi Long looked at him with disdain, raised his hands above his head and began to shake like an emoticon, his body also began to twitch: "This is not a plastic bag, it's easy to learn!"
"No no no, come on, flip backwards!"
Before Gao Dongqiang finished speaking, Qi Long walked to the microphone stand, exerted force with both feet, jumped, and did a backflip on the spot!
"Good!" The audience was stunned, and cheers and applause spread throughout the venue.
No one could have imagined it. Who could have thought that Qi Long was serious and actually did a backflip!
This is the second time that Qi Long has demonstrated his kung fu skills after he did some somersaults on a variety show.
Even when he plays the role of a bodyguard in small theaters, he just does a somersault. This is the first time I’ve seen him do a backflip. It’s fresh and interesting!
"Wow!" Gao Dongqiang also acted with a look of surprise on his face.
Qi Long shook his coat and said, "Are you convinced?"
"You really have a lot of skills here, I can't come!"
"Look, if you're not good at something, just say so. If you insist on saying you're good at something, you're showing off. Just say what you're best at!"
Gao Dongqiang: "What I am best at is the business hawking!"
Qi Long asked him to demonstrate a bit, and Dong Qiang immediately opened his arms and started selling vegetables.
[Coriander, spicy green peppers, chives, tender celery, lentils, eggplants, cucumbers, winter melons, large eggplants, radishes, carrots, flat radishes, tender toon, garlic, and good chives~~~]
This segment often appears in crosstalk, and the long dish in the middle requires continuity and a very high pitch.
Dong Qiang completed the song quite well, and he was shouting at the top of his lungs. If he hadn't sung at the top of his lungs, his voice would have become shrill because of the muscles in his throat.
Everyone also showed their support and applauded.
Qi Long didn't wait for him to catch his breath before continuing to ask, "The one selling goldfish!"
[Hey, little goldfish - just a few or two, three or two for 1 cent, toad bones and field snails, please! ]
This paragraph is not coherent, but has long notes, especially the one at the beginning where the little goldfish is, the long note can be dragged out for ten seconds, and Dongqiang's face turned red.
"Bean juice!"
【Sweet and sour bean juice! 】
Qi Long directed from the side: "The pitch is too low, move it up, follow my hand."
As soon as he raised his hand, Dongqiang rose in pitch, like the crowing of a rooster, climbing up like a ladder.
Qi Long's hand kept going up, and Dong Qiang's voice changed into dolphin voice. His face turned red and he couldn't help kicking Qi Long: "Is it that high? Come on!"
"If I don't come, why would you still shout these things when you are selling goods now? There is no need!"
"What are you shouting about?"
Qi Long looked at the audience and raised his finger: "Come on, family, three, two, one!"
Many of the audience had participated in online shopping, and they shouted along with Qi Long:
"Up! Chain! Connect!"
Gao Dongqiang was puzzled: "Can this sell the goods?"
"Of course not. Look, hey, the transaction volume has exceeded 1 billion. It's so profitable. I don't plan to tell you crosstalk anymore. I'm going to do live streaming to sell goods. It makes money so quickly!" Qi Long was proud.
Gao Dongqiang stopped him: "Just shout three, two, one, and link up? That won't work. You're not competitive. You can just pull anyone and shout. Why would anyone buy yours?"
"I can use my creative ability to write about the products in songs and sing them to everyone."
Gao Dongqiang stopped him and said, "Not then, right now, sing a song for us."
"right now!"
"Right now, everyone, let him have a try and let us see how he makes a fool of himself, okay?" Gao Dongqiang instigated the audience to fight Qi Long together.
Qi Long hesitated for a moment: "No, there is no accompaniment, and the sound teacher knows that we are performing crosstalk and has not prepared anything."
"I have it with me!" Dongqiang took out a guitar from under the table and handed it to Qi Long.
Qi Long: "Why do you bring everything?"
This was a joke that was included in both of the crosstalks performed by the two in their previous crosstalk competition.
Qi Long played a few times, then shouted "three, two, one", and then he started singing while playing:
[I hope to find a Gucci corner in your Fendi, I hope.]
"Wait a minute, wait a minute, don't hope for now!" Gao Dongqiang pulled Qi Long back.
Even after Qi Long stopped moving, the music continued.
"Hey, are you still faking it?"
"Nonsense, this is called half-open mic!" Qi Long shouted angrily.
This is a satire on the audience who support lip-syncing at the party.
To be honest, for the sake of the presentation effect of the evening party, some non-singers who cross over to other fields lip-synced, but the key is that their fans still have to clean up for them.
That's not called lip syncing, that's called half-open mic.
"Okay, okay, I don't care about that. Is that a bad word for you?"
"What's wrong?" "I said 'I hope to find a warm corner in your arms', what's this? I hope to find a corner to cry in your grave? Aren't you cursing me? Who would sell your goods?"
Qi Long looked at him with disdain: "Or you just don't understand, Fendi, Gucci, these are brands of goods, luxury goods, bags!"
"Oh, brand? I don't have a girlfriend so I don't know about this!"
There was a jeer from the audience, and Qi Long put on an embarrassed smile: "I don't want to listen anymore!"
"Listen, listen!" Gao Dongqiang asked him to continue.
Qi Long picked up the guitar again. Dong Qiang took it away from him. He didn't need it anymore and just sang.
A song full of various brands, open the song.
I hope to find a Gucci corner in your Fendi, and I hope to be a pink Tom Ford in your Tiffany.
Every sentence of the song mentions one or two brands, all of which are so-called affordable luxury brands. After singing about the brands, the singer starts urging people to buy them.
【You can you can buy~, you can you can buy buy buy! ],
Gao Dongqiang: "Hey, you really wrote it?"
"Of course, there's something else? Just open your mouth!"
[Summer is quietly passing by and Double Eleven is here. In the live broadcast room, we will give you benefits and bring you good products. You can place an order and it will be delivered to you within a few days. It is so cheap, so cheap that you can't miss it. ]
[Don’t miss it, the store has subsidized 10 billion; don’t miss it, these are all good products, Double Eleven is the best time to shop, if you miss it, you will regret it until the end of the year]
"Hey, this is quite new!" Gao Dongqiang was surprised.
Qi Long was very proud: "How about it, can I go and bring the goods?"
"cannot!"
"why?"
"It's not enough for you to just sing, you have to speak."
"It's even easier to say. I use my true feelings to infect consumers, my shouting to wake them up, my price cuts to stimulate them, and my lies to deceive them."
"Ah?" Gao Dongqiang immediately asked.
Qi Long glanced at him and said, "No, you are using money saving to induce consumers!"
"It's not about these discounts, it's about introducing the products!"
"That's even easier. Any product, with my eloquence as a crosstalk artist, I can sell anything by simply introducing it. By then..." Qi Long said proudly.
"Don't talk about that time, just now, I have a mobile phone, you can sell it to him!" Dongqiang took out a mobile phone and handed it to him.
Qi Long took the phone: "That won't work either!"
"Why can't it work again?"
"Now when the anchor is talking, there are people behind him who are responding. When the anchor asks, 'Is it very hard for everyone to work?', someone behind the camera replies, 'Yes, it's hard.' 'Yes,' and they can't even say it in unison, and they don't care about the awkwardness of the conversation."
"I'm here to answer your call. I'm the supporting actor, and my job is to answer your call!" Gao Dongqiang shouted immediately.
Qi Long glanced at him and continued to find excuses to shirk: "That won't work either. Usually female anchors are paired with male assistants, and male anchors are paired with female assistants. You are a man!"
"As long as you can sell it, I can play the role of a hero!" Gao Dongqiang pinched his fingers together.
Qi Long had no way to refuse, so he told Gao Dongqiang that he must cooperate with him and introduce the product himself. He then exclaimed: Wow, it’s really amazing!
The requirement is: the more girly the better!
After the two were ready, the mobile phone was put on sale, and Qi Long changed his accent: "Today we want to recommend a good product to everyone."
"What good products?" Gao Dongqiang said in a low voice, his body swaying slightly.
The contrast of his reckless character in this variety show, now that he plays a woman, was so obvious that everyone couldn't help but laugh out loud.
Qi Long turned his head and said, "This is the newly developed all-around super mobile phone in my hand. It is very powerful and has three major functions."
“What are the three major functions?”
"The first function is the super long battery life. As you all know, some mobile phones can only talk for five minutes after charging for two hours."
Gao Dongqiang switched back to his natural voice: "Hey, they charge for five minutes and talk for two hours!"
"It doesn't matter. It's just to belittle your peers and elevate yourself!"
"Don't you feel guilty?" Gao Dongqiang turned around and complained.
"Remember your identity. You are my female assistant. You must obey what I say!"
"Go, go, go!"
"Our phone can last for 364 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes and 59 seconds!"
"Wow, this is really amazing. It can last for 364 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes, 59 minutes. Can you add one second to make it a year?"
"No, you know Wahaha purified water, it was originally designed to hold 600 ml, but when it was produced, the bottle only held 596 ml. They marked it as 596, not a drop less. This is called considering consumers, not false advertising!"
"Isn't this fake?" Gao Dongqiang couldn't help but complain.
Qi Long glared at him, and Gao Dongqiang was forced to shout out: "Wow, you really have a good conscience!"
"You must be wondering why the battery life of mobile phones is so long? That's because the batteries are different. Others use ordinary batteries, but our mobile phone batteries use concentrated oil!"
"Concentrated oil?"
"To put it bluntly, it's the technology of atomic bomb explosion!"
"Wow!" Dong Qiang was surprised.
Qi Long glared at him.
"Wow, this is really amazing!"
Yesterday, the name of the crosstalk was written as the original name of the crosstalk "Super Hypermarket", but because the content of the crosstalk was changed to selling goods online, the name of the crosstalk should not be called that, it has been changed to "I Want to Sell Goods".
(End of this chapter)
