Chapter 117 I am the source of happiness!
The crosstalk performance continued. Dongqiang learned his lesson after two failed singing performances. He felt that he was not suitable for this trick and decided to observe others.
"At this time, he saw the chat record of a good friend of his, Baby, I'm on IV, what kind of IV? I miss you at night!" Qi Long imitated in a mean way.
The whole audience laughed, knowing that this was the exposed chat record of Acong, a top rich second-generation.
Dongqiang also nodded: "Yes, this is indeed my friend!"
"When Dongqiang saw it, he wrote it in his diary. If a sentence like this can win over a girl, then I can do it too! I'm a crosstalk artist, I can just write a long paragraph to express my love!"
"Isn't that the one about the hotel? I want to go to Motel 6, Home Inn, 7 Days Inn and Hanting with you."
"Isn't that rude? You're just expressing your love, and you haven't even reached the hotel yet!"
"Then I feel relieved. How do I write it?"
[There are five kinds of spicy food: slightly spicy, medium spicy, very spicy, super spicy, and I miss you spicy; (um) there are four kinds of peaches: honey peach, yellow peach, flat peach, and don't even think about escaping! There are four kinds of ducks: Koda duck, little yellow duck, flat-billed duck, and I miss you; there are nine kinds of oil: olive oil, sesame oil, peanut oil, soybean oil, lard, butter, chicken oil, oyster sauce, and tiger oil.]
"Stop, stop, stop, stop, what the hell am I writing?"
Qi Long turned his head and said, "Look, you feel disgusted after you finished writing it. If I feel disgusted, then everyone in the world will feel disgusted!"
“I am the bottom line?”
"If you don't know how to write like this, you should go online and learn it yourself. There is a successful case that you like!"
When the two were on a date, the boy said something shocking: "Your mother is a thief. She stole the two brightest stars in the sky and put them in your eyes, which is why you are so bright and beautiful."
You are also a thief because you stole my heart.
“I’m just learning this?”
"That's right. When you see a girl, raise your hand and say: Stop!"
"Hey, another robbery!"
Qi Long imitated Dong Qiang, made his eyes small, and pointed to the side of the stage: "Your mother is a thief, right?"
"Why do I sound like I'm cursing on the street?" Dong Qiang complained to the side: "The girl must be scared again!"
Qi Long nodded: "I was almost scared to death. The girl looked at you and asked guiltily: How did you know?"
This plot development was unexpected for the audience. The reversal was so abrupt that it caused the whole audience to burst into laughter!
"Ah? Really a thief?"
"Dongqiang was dumbfounded. The script was not like this. He continued with gritted teeth: You are a thief too, right?"
"What did the girl say?"
"Yeah, me too. I'm turning myself in. Here's your wallet. I'm returning it to you. I'm sorry!"
"Is he really a thief?"
"The thief turned himself in, and the police thanked Dongqiang and gave him a banner that read: Fiery Eyes and Golden Pupils!"
"Okay!"
Qi Long told a few more stories about how Dong Qiang imitated others but ended up learning them badly.
For example, he saw men putting coats on women when they were cold. That day in the gym, he deliberately lowered the air-conditioning temperature, and when a girl was shivering from the cold, he took off his fitness vest and put it on the girl.
The girl fainted on the spot
"Fainted from fright?"
"Fainted from the smoke!"
Also: Ask a girl to play in a horror-themed escape room. As soon as she gets scared, she will crawl into your arms. You, as a strong boyfriend, will protect her.
Dongqiang is such a manly guy. As soon as the ghost came out, he punched them both and knocked them down.
I knocked out the girl behind me with my elbow, and I knocked down the NPC who was dressed as a ghost with my fist.
Besides, everyone said that the sport of frisbee was very popular, and there were many pretty girls there. But when Dong Qiang went there, because he had such a strong desire to win, he scolded all his teammates, including the girls who came to take pictures, and told them to concentrate and not lose.
Dongqiang shows a strong desire to win in variety shows, so there is no sense of incongruity in his character.
"Dong Qiang was scolded so much that he cried, so naturally he couldn't succeed. He continued to get angry even when others were crying. You can't even catch such a simple frisbee. Come on, throw one!" Qi Long imitated Dong Qiang.
Pretending that a frisbee was thrown at him from a distance, Qi Long jumped up, opened his mouth and took a bite.
“I’m a dog?”
"Anyway, all the girls who played Frisbee with you said you were a dog, and they won't play Frisbee games with you anymore!"
In short, other people's love skills are useless to him.
"Teacher Dongqiang is feeling sad. In this big world, is there no love that belongs to me? Now someone is helping him!" Qi Long shouted loudly.
"Who!"
"Your father, your father read your diary and knew that you wanted to fall in love but you never knew how to chase girls, so he helped you and arranged a blind date for you!"
"Oh, can the blind date work?"
"That's right, you drove your Panamera to go on a blind date!"
The audience started to boo.
Dongqiang: "Don't laugh, the girl is looking at me, not the car!" "Yes, the girl was very enthusiastic when she saw Dongqiang. She smiled and said: I like you very much! After that, she went aside and faced the trash can!" Qi Long made a vomiting gesture.
"Wow, what's wrong with this!"
"Seeing your face makes me feel a little sick, but the girl has a high emotional intelligence. She can't say that. It hurts you so much. Can this blind date still be successful?!"
"Look, what does she say?" Dong Qiang asked.
Qi Long: "The girl said, I am pregnant and feel a little nauseous. Dong Qiang expressed his understanding, and the two of them got together quickly!"
It was another unexpected reversal, the whole audience burst into laughter. I thought she was going to say something with high EQ, but it turned out she was saying that she was pregnant. The funniest thing was that Dongqiang didn't care. This was a big laugh!
"Ah? I'm stupid, what's wrong? I want one too even if I'm pregnant!"
"You are kind-hearted. Anyway, you two should date often. Every time you date, you should go to that dark corner without any street lights!"
“Why aren’t there any street lights yet?”
"Nonsense, haven't you heard it before? Boats on the sea are afraid of strong winds, and dating is afraid of street lights!"
"What's all this?"
"Actually, the girl was afraid of seeing your face and feeling sick. I happened to run into you two when you were dating on a bench without a street light. I hid aside and eavesdropped, and I heard the girl say, 'Don't kiss me, Dongqiang. If you want to kiss me, take off your sunglasses first!'"
"I'm going on a date in a dark place late at night and I'm wearing sunglasses?"
"You have to pass by where there are lights. Girls are afraid that seeing you will make them sick, so they ask you to wear sunglasses and say that you look handsome that way!"
"Oh, so what? Then what?"
"Look, you interrupted me. The girl said stop kissing. If you want to kiss her, take off your sunglasses first. They are hitting my legs!"
The audience burst into laughter. Dong Qiang didn't even bother to tell the jokes and just looked at Qi Long quietly.
Qi Long looked innocent: "I didn't see it either, and I don't know what it means. Anyway, Dongqiang took off his sunglasses and kissed for forty minutes. Your relationship, which you worked so hard for, is over again!"
"How did it end?" Dong Qiang asked.
"The girl said you were sick and you held onto the chair leg and chewed it for forty minutes!"
"Go to hell!"
The two men bowed, and the crosstalk ended. Everyone was very excited to listen to this new crosstalk and there was thunderous applause.
Originally, Qi Long wanted to add a segment of "The Big Wedding" at the end of this crosstalk, first saying that it was difficult to fall in love in Dongqiang's era and that all the methods had been tried but to no avail, and then talk about the main business of "The Big Wedding".
In the past, it was fine to follow the parents' orders and the matchmaker's words, and they would get married right away after agreeing on something. But your father made all kinds of jokes when getting married, and in the end he got married without wearing any pants.
But after discussing it with Dongqiang, they both felt that this idea was acceptable, but not suitable to be performed in the same special show with "Old Old Man".
The satire of "Old Old Man" is about those people who always talk about how good things were in the past. When they come to this life, Qilong talks about how good things were in the past again. There is a conflict between the two lives.
Therefore, the two decided to use different methods in different situations.
This job can be added to the main activity of "The Big Wedding" at the end, or you can write a paragraph about how Dong Qiang becomes a fool in the end, and use it in different occasions!
Qi Long's crosstalk now, even the performances in small theaters, have extremely high online playback volume. People even prefer the performances in small theaters because the scale is larger.
Therefore, Zhang Wanyi was nicknamed "Confused Girl" in the Drum Music Society.
In the following days, Qi Long took Zhang Wanyi to the Imperial Capital Zoo according to the previous plan and told him the story of pandas.
He knew all about the giant pandas in the Imperial Capital Zoo. Two of the most interesting ones were: one was called Menglan, who was very popular on the Internet; the other was the legendary Third Prince of Xizhimen, who was often afraid of the railings and wanted to escape. She was also very good at doing funny things, such as splits and the like.
And he is very good-looking. A frontal photo of him in the snow shows him being hailed as the "Huo Jianhua" of the panda world!
There is another one named Meng Er. Because his mother was always giving birth when he was young, he didn't spend much time with her. The keeper taught him how to break bamboo.
Humans are not that strong, so they grit their teeth to exert force when breaking bamboo.
Meng Er learned that he must show his teeth when breaking bamboo.
Even though it is very strong and can easily break the bamboo, it ends up bending it and then having to make up for it with a toothpick, which is still very interesting.
Qi Long was talking to Zhang Wanyi, who was listening with admiration, finding it very interesting.
Passersby around were also taking advantage of the tour guide and listening with great interest.
When Qi Long and the others were being driven away, a passerby teased, "Miss, your boyfriend is missing!"
"Hahahaha, I'm holding on tightly!" Zhang Wanyi, who was holding Qi Long's arm, responded with a smile.
Qi Long also joined in the conversation, showing his humor as a crosstalk actor: "It's okay, she's used to it, I'm always embarrassed!"
"Hahahahahaha!" Everyone laughed.
A passerby from Tianjin said to Qi Long in Tianjin dialect: "Mr. Qi, I always listen to your crosstalk. You are the source of my happiness!"
"Oh, thank you, I have become a source of happiness!"
"Me too!" Someone around joined in the conversation!
Qi Long responded with a smile one by one. He was very happy, because he learned crosstalk because he was impressed by the fact that crosstalk actors could make so many people laugh with just their mouths. He also wanted to be that kind of person, who could make others laugh. How awesome that would be!
"Okay, then I will introduce myself next time. I will say hello everyone. I am the source of your happiness, hahaha! What about you?" Qi Long lowered his head and asked Zhang Wanyi.
Zhang Wanyi thought about it, looked up and said, “Then I am the source of the source of happiness!”
"Hmm" the people around started to make a noise.
(End of this chapter)
