Chapter 202 Special New Piece
He traveled through time three times. The first time, the beggar was cooked directly. The second time, Xiao Fu was Zhen Guanxi and was beaten to death with three punches. The third time, he became Lord He, who was rich enough to rival a country, but Jiaqing came to kill him.
"At this time, I thought about why I wanted to travel through time. I wanted to become a general leading troops and become famous. But having money is not enough, I need soldiers.
If I had 50,000 heavy cavalry, which emperor would dare to kill me? "
"If you have 50,000 heavy cavalry, you can be the emperor yourself!"
"No, I will say this to the emperor: I am a loyal and devoted official and have never thought of rebelling. Do you understand what I am saying? I am speaking, kneel down!"
"Wow, you're leveling up really fast!"
"Hahaha, I want to be a general. Pia, I slapped myself in the face. A white light flashed before my eyes, and I traveled through time. When I opened my eyes, I was riding on a horse with a weapon in my hand. I looked behind me and hey, they were all my soldiers!"
"Done?"
"It's done! And it looks like I'm still a general guarding the pass. Looking back, I saw that my pass is called Dongling Pass. I turned around and asked my guard, who am I? The guard replied: Sir, you even forgot yourself, you are Kong Xiu!"
"Kong Xiu?"
Qi Long frowned and said, "I am Kong Xiu? I have some impression of him, but I am not familiar with him. I can tell at a glance that he has no image in history books. It doesn't matter. I will write Kong Xiu's reputation into history books!"
“You are quite ambitious!”
"Of course. At this time, a man came over. He was nine feet tall, with a beard two feet long, a face like a red date, and lips like painted fat. He rode a dark red horse and rushed towards me like a red meteor. I recognized this classic image at a glance."
Here Qi Long performed a storytelling and used body movements to describe Guan Yu's appearance.
The audience had already guessed the ending and began to chuckle.
"Guan Gong!"
"That's right, I just called out 'Guan Gong' and the other party swung his Azure Dragon Crescent Blade at me. Kucha, I remembered before I died that Kong Xiu was the first one to die after passing through five gates and killing six generals!"
"You just remembered?"
"A flash of white light appeared before my eyes, and I traveled through time again. I guess I didn't say 'Don't bully the poor young man', so I didn't travel back, but traveled through time again. I'm still a general, and this time there's another general next to me. I quickly asked, 'Who are you?'"
"I'm Meng Tan, and you're Han Fu?"
"Meng Tan? Han Fu? I've heard of him, but I don't have much impression of him. It seems that there is no picture of him in history books.
I was still making up my mind when a man came over. I saw that it was the Guan Gong who had just killed me. Before I could say anything, the red lightning appeared in front of me again, a knife! Ah! "
"You forgot to shout the slogan for traveling back again!"
"So I traveled through time again, and I saw that I had become Meng Tan, and Han Fu's head had just fallen to the ground next to me!"
The whole audience laughed and applauded. This development was unexpected. He died twice in an instant!
"Wow, to the other side?"
Qi Long pointed to the side and said, "That was me too. Guan Gong ignored me, Kucha stabbed me with a knife, ah!"
"You alone take up three places?"
"That's too annoying. That won't work. I want to be Guan Gong. A white light flashed, and my dream came true. I became Guan Gong. I looked up and saw, huh? It's not the third pass, Sishui Pass!"
Dong Qiang added: "Where?"
"Maicheng!"
The audience laughed again, and when the laughter died down, Dongqiang said, "You always travel through time before you die!"
"Oh, it doesn't matter. I remember that Guan Gong was tripped by a tripwire and fell into a pit when he was escaping. Can't I just control the Red Hare to jump over the tripwire?
If I hadn't died, Zhang Fei wouldn't have been killed because of beating his soldiers due to excessive grief, and Liu Bei wouldn't have lost his Han Dynasty foundation in Yiling because of a fire in his pursuit of revenge.
If the Wei Kingdom had faced our pressure, the Sima family would not have usurped the throne. If the Sima family had not usurped the throne, there would not have been the Sima family's stupid civil war, there would not have been the Five Barbarians' Rebellion, and there would not have been the current oil price increase. "
"Aren't you thinking too far ahead?"
"As long as the three of us are alive, the Han will have a chance."
Qi Long spoke with great righteousness and sang a passage from "The Flowing River", another song he copied for the Three Kingdoms game.
[Three people make a crowd, so why fear adversity? Sincerity can withstand the vicissitudes of life. Don’t say that fame requires hundreds of battles]
Dong Qiang was stunned for a moment, and quickly pulled him back: "Just say it, why are you singing now?"
"In short, I can't die. I have to jump over the tripwire, Kucha!" Qi Long made a tragic expression and his movements were to control the horse.
Dong Qiang asked: "Is it over?"
"I fell into a pit, and a group of people rushed out and stabbed me with spears. I was unwilling to accept this. Don't bully the poor young man!"
Dongqiang was speechless: "It was said to be so lively before, but I still didn't jump over it."
"Alas, it is too difficult to change my fate. I'd better not be a general and become an emperor directly. I will travel through time. People around me will salute respectfully, Your Majesty!"
"Your Majesty?"
"That's ok, I'm almost the same as Wang? Hahaha, who am I?"
“You should ask!”
"Before the respectful man could do his greeting, a servant came in with a bucket: Our King of Wu has gone to the toilet, you should have some!"
Dong Qiang laughed and said, "You've been dressed as Gou Jian? Then try it now!"
"Go away, I'm not that capable. I'll ask Dong Qiang to come later. He loves to eat this!"
"I don't like to eat, what does it have to do with me?"
"I looked at the wall and bumped into it. Don't bully the poor young man. Can you please be a normal king? I've traveled through time. This place is not good either. There's constant noise! Besides, I'm holding a sword around my own neck!"
"where?"
"Wujiang!"
"Besieged on all sides? The place where the Overlord committed suicide at the Wujiang River!"
"Yeah, tell me why our luck in traveling through time is so bad?"
Dong Qiang retorted this time: "It doesn't matter. Wujiang was the end of the tyrant Xiang Yu, but he committed suicide. Isn't it okay if you don't commit suicide? There are many talented people in Jiangdong. It's unknown if they will make a comeback. Put down your sword and cross the river!"
Qi Long held the fan to his neck and said, "No, no, I'm not a tyrant!"
"Then who are you?" "Ji" After the audience laughed, Qi Long added: "Ji from Farewell My Concubine!"
"That's Yu Ji!"
"I'm about to die, why are you calling me that?"
"Put down your sword!"
"It's all done, ah! Overlord ran towards me sadly and leaned close to my ear to listen to my weak voice."
"say what?"
"Don't bully the poor young people"
"I don't need to ask."
"When I came back, I was wondering, how did I become a girl? Did I change my gender after traveling through time? Even if I did, you want me to be an empress, not the concubine of a tyrant? Pia, I slapped myself in the face, and a white light flashed. This time my dream came true!"
"Oh?"
"I sat in the Hall of Supreme Harmony, with a curtain in front of me. Opposite the curtain were ministers, and an emperor who was much younger than me!"
"Old Buddha?"
"Yes, this is powerful, I want those foreigners to die! Wait a minute, eunuch, come here, I don't like you!" Qi Long waved his hand.
Dong Qiang: "What's wrong with the eunuch?"
"He looks a lot like you, with small eyes and lots of muscles. He looks like a pot!"
"You are the one who looks like a pot?"
"Too ugly! Take him away and chop him off! Humph! This little eunuch would never have thought that I would chop him off just because he looked like someone I hate. The eunuch shouted loudly as he was taken away!"
"What to shout?"
"Don't bully young people into poverty!"
"I traveled through time too?"
At this point, the crosstalk ends. It is a classic comedy program that talks about the past deaths of many historical figures. Qi Long adds a few characters and uses different techniques.
The audience was very satisfied with the performance and gave warm applause after the show.
In this special show, Qi Long and Dong Qiang have three programs. In addition to this literary comedy, there is also a new crosstalk "High School Diary" and "Shu Lai Bao" which showcases the quick-talk skills!
A paragraph was added to "High School Diary" where the two tested each other's IQ during break time, with questions like "Have you ever seen a turtle shaking its head?" that had appeared in previous variety shows.
Of course, it is also new. Dongqiang asked a question: "A white horse is called a white horse, a black horse is called a black horse, what is the name of a black and white horse?"
Qi Long replied: "QR code!"
Qi Long asked, "After you do it, you can go in and out freely, and it will automatically lift up when you get close. Some require payment, some don't, some require more, some require less!"
"ETC, some social service vehicles don't have to pay, but private cars have to pay. Big cars pay more, small cars pay less?"
"No, it depends on the personality of the person collecting the money. If the person has a good personality, you don't have to pay a penny. But if the person has a bad personality, do you have to pay the entire monthly salary?"
"Why? Is it possible for ETC to collect money like this?"
Qi Long sneered: "Who told you that my puzzle is ETC?"
"That is?"
"Marriage certificate!"
Some people understand it immediately and burst into laughter instantly, while others understand it later and burst into laughter after a while.
When a crosstalk actor drives a car, you don’t notice it until the wheels are almost on your face!
In the song "Shu Lai Bao", the two people compete in singing various businesses on the street, each singing a section, and it is no longer just Qi Long performing. Dong Qiang said that he would not pay.
As soon as they came on the court, the two men faced off. After Qi Long finished speaking, he said, Dongqiang is so mean.
"Did your family buy a barrel full of wine and put it outside because there was no place to put it at home?"
"Yes, that's right. What's wrong with it?" Dong Qiang asked back.
"Why don't you let people drink it when you put it outside?" Qi Long put his hands on his hips and shouted with a sense of righteousness.
"Why should I let people drink it? I paid for it!" Dongqiang got angry.
Qi Long snorted coldly: "Humph, I drank half a bucket openly!"
"Who is to blame? Why is there only half a barrel left in my wine barrel? It's you!"
Qi Long was angry: "I was so angry when I saw it the next day!"
"Why are you mad about me drinking my wine?"
"You changed the label on the wine barrel to urinate bucket. How could you use such a good wine barrel as a urinate bucket? Oh, you made me go to the toilet there."
"Ah? I changed the label of my remaining half barrel of wine to 'urine barrel' in case someone drank it, but when I got home, the barrel was full. Can I be even angrier?"
"I'm definitely not the only one who used it as a toilet. The worst of you is coming. On the third day you changed the note again: No drinking secretly. Oh, that's so sexy."
Dongqiang immediately smiled and said with a sly smile: "Did you drink it?"
"I didn't drink it, but someone else did. I heard about it."
The audience booed and Dongqiang smiled without saying anything.
The audience laughed continuously during the three performances, and applauded loudly after the performance. They also played a backstage and heard new songs.
It was not sung by Qi Long, but by Zhang Wanyi, and the music was written by Qi Long.
The title of the song is "Yu Xi Tan", which obviously tells the story of "King Xiang Yu and Yu Ji".
[A song of separation and chaos at Gaixia, the sound of Chu songs everywhere, full of sorrow, saying goodbye to you, drinking from the sword, blood falling and freezing into frost, it is hard to let go of the past, it doesn’t matter if the relationship ends, the place where my soul and you return is the vastness! ]
"The inspiration comes from the fact that when Qi Long traveled through time, he became Yu Ji, right? He was singing there. In fact, he didn't shout "Don't bully the poor young man" at that time!" Dong Qiang thought of a joke on the spur of the moment and came up to make a joke.
Qi Long then asked: "What about me?"
"You were singing, and you were still singing after traveling through time. At this time, passers-by would curiously ask you: Are you a singing girl (omit one word)?"
"Go to hell!" Qi Long pushed him away.
(End of this chapter)
