Chapter 293 Crosstalk: "Common Problems Throughout the Ages"!
After making fun of two diseases with Na Dongqiang, Qi Long continued to talk about modern mental illnesses.
"Not only my partner, many people have this problem. Let's talk about it backstage. Wang Hui, the wife of our Deyun chairman and owner, is extremely irritable and has temper tantrum!" Qi Long said with a frightened look.
Dong Qiang: "What's wrong?"
"That day, I arrived a little early. As soon as I entered the backstage, I heard my sister-in-law yelling at my senior brother: Guo Degang, take off my cheongsam, hurry up, don't waste time!"
Dong Qiang was shocked, took a step back, and said in shock: "Is this something I can listen to without paying?"
"Then cover your ears, they spent money!" Qi Long pointed at the audience, and the audience continued to laugh.
Dongqiang covered his ears, but used his fingers to expose his ear holes so he could continue listening.
Qi Long also continued: "My sister-in-law was very angry and shouted: Guo Degang, take off my silk socks too!"
"Ah? Is it so troublesome backstage?"
"High heels, why don't you just take off your socks instead of your shoes?"
"Ouch." Dong Qiang exclaimed in surprise
Qi Long continued: "My sister-in-law went out at this time."
"Ah? You, brother, are so fast?"
There was laughter on the field. Under Qi Long's guidance, they and Dong Qiang had the same wrong ideas.
"My sister-in-law held her cheongsam, socks and shoes, turned around and shouted to the inside of the door: Guo Degang, don't steal my cheongsam to wear in the future. If I find out again, I will kill you!"
"what?"
Dongqiang said "Ah?" directly, and an "Ah?" also appeared in the audience's mind. Then they realized the turning point of the story and burst into laughter and applause.
Qi Long sighed: "Look, my sister-in-law, how irritable!"
"It seems like your senior brother has a cross-dressing fetish. Is it because he is wearing the chairman's cheongsam?"
Qi Long suddenly realized: "So that's how it is, Dongqiang, for so long I have always believed that my sister-in-law is just irritable or that you are accurate in judging mental illness. If you were here, I wouldn't have been arrested twice because of being misdiagnosed with mental illness."
"Ah? I haven't heard you tell me about this before!"
Qi Long sighed: "Is it glorious to be arrested? I told everyone about the villa I bought, the one you visited, remember?"
"Villa? No, isn't yours a second-hand house?"
"You've seen the large open-air square in my villa, right?" Qi Long continued to ask.
Dongqiang translated for everyone: "A six-square-meter balcony!"
"My throne is on it!"
"Lounge!"
“Flowers are planted all around”
"Plastic flowers, I took them home from backstage when they were given to me by the audience of Deyun Society!"
Qi Long was unhappy: "Can you not tear down my stage? I am happy to call it Villa Square, so what?"
"No, aren't you going to talk about how you were arrested? Why are you bringing this up?"
"Hasn't the story started yet? Why are you in such a hurry? The other day our power switch broke and I couldn't turn it on. It was as hot as a steamer at home. The balcony was okay because the flowers there could provide some shade. So I went there to escape the heat. It was too hot, too hot. I was in my own square and I took off my T-shirt. Is that okay?"
"No problem, you should take it off!"
Qi Long used his hands to demonstrate a non-proprietary performance of pulling a T-shirt off from bottom to top, and he even performed it in detail, with the clothes getting stuck at the head.
With a ventriloquist sound of "beng", the clothes were taken off after a pause.
"Hey, is your head okay? It looks like it fell off."
"It's hot. The clothes are soaked with sweat and a bit tight. It's hard to take them off. Ouch, I'm still hot after taking off my short-sleeved shirt. Hey, I'm at home. I took this thing off. It's okay, right?"
As Qi Long spoke, he put his hands behind his back and pretended to unbutton his clothes.
Many viewers understood this action immediately and started laughing.
If no one laughed, Dongqiang would stop him and ask him why he was still wearing that thing, and then he would say he was a cross-dresser.
But everyone was amused, the audience reacted quickly, and Dongqiang just told the joke right away.
"My dear fellow disciples, all of you disciples have a fetish for cross-dressing."
Qi Long pushed him: "What cross-dressing fetish? I have a hunchback and I wear this to treat it!"
"Oh, it's good to have a back."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I took off my shorts too. I'm shirtless now. It's still hot. I saw my shorts. I'm in my own square. Is it okay for me to take off my shorts?"
Dong Qiang stopped him: "That's not very appropriate. If the people next to you are also on the balcony, they can see you!"
"It's okay, there are flowers to stop me!" Qi Long took off his shorts again without any substance, and sighed anxiously: "It's too hot, it's still hot."
He lowered his head, and Dong Qiang held him down: "Teacher Qi, you really can't take it off anymore."
"It was my own square, but the woman next door called the police and had me arrested, saying I was exposing myself and had an exhibitionist tendency. The police lectured me for a long time, and I explained for a long time. It was so infuriating!"
"That's what you should do!"
"No, it's my own square, there are flowers!"
Dongqiang explained: "Your balcony is a broken one, about six square meters, and it's only one and a half meters smaller than the one next door. The flowers are just that high (gesturing to the knees), and they can't be blocked!"
The audience looked at Dongqiang's gestures and laughed.
Qi Long was angry: "I don't care, humph, mountains and rivers will meet again, let's wait and see, it's too hot at home and I took off my clothes, and you said I was a hooligan and wanted to arrest me, humph!"
He claimed that he started to keep watch, lying under the throne (lounger chair) on the balcony every day waiting, and finally he was caught. The cables were being replaced downstairs and the whole community had a power outage. The woman next door was also hot at home.
When she got to the balcony, it was probably too hot, too hot, so she
"You're a hooligan! I crawled out from under the recliner. You're a hooligan, hahahahaha, I caught you, you exhibitionist, I'm going to find the police to arrest you, call the police, your uncle is here."
"Caught her?" Dongqiang asked.
Qi Long's excited face drooped instantly: "They caught me and said I was a peeping Tom. I just have a strong desire for revenge, so how can I be a peeping Tom?! Misjudgment, misjudgment, if there is a master like you..."
"Clear soup? I still have tomatoes!"
"That is?"
"Qingtian!"
"If I had a great judge like you, I wouldn't be labeled an exhibitionist and a voyeur!"
"I'm going to catch you too. If you really surround the balcony, you can do whatever you want. People can see you, so don't go too far. Taking off all your clothes and peeking at others taking off their clothes are not appropriate!" Dong Qiang waved his hands.
"Oh, as long as you surround me, you can do whatever you want?"
"Yeah, if no one can see you, it's your completely private territory."
"It's OK to go clubbing at 1 ."
"That won't work, your voice will drift away!"
"Look, it doesn't work again. OK, OK, I know I have a problem. These two things really inspired me!"
"What inspired you?" "It inspired me to study mental illness. I suddenly discovered that there are so many fetishes in modern life, such as exhibitionism, voyeurism, and mysophobia. That's why I want to talk to you about this topic today!"
"Oh!"
“And I discovered that these mental illnesses caused by modern cities actually existed in ancient times!”
Dong Qiang stopped him and said, "Teacher Qi, your statement is contradictory. Diseases caused by modern cities, were there modern cities in ancient times?"
"Listen to me and I'll give you an example!"
"I'm all ears!"
This is the beginning of the job. Qi Long began to talk about the first example, which is called procrastination. This is very common in modern cities, especially among some online novel authors. They either won’t write until the last minute or something, and they update only at nearly twelve o’clock every day.
Do you know that it is very tiring for readers to wait for updates? Do you know that readers sometimes wait for you until midnight?
Except for those authors who can only return to their rental houses to write after 10 o'clock in the evening due to malicious oppression from their bosses, all other authors have procrastination!
"Which ancient person had procrastination?"
"Look, the man who carved a boat to look for his sword, his sword fell into the lake, but he didn't take it. I'm too tired today, so I'll make a mark and go back to get it. Procrastination!"
"This is procrastination. Isn't this a satire on the fact that this person has no brains?" Dong Qiang disagreed.
Moreover, this story is not a true story from ancient times. It is a fable. Many fables are made up for the purpose of educating people and cannot be considered as ancient stories.
"Then I won't talk about the fable anymore. Let me talk about the next one. Mysophobia. The ancients also had this obsession!"
"Who is it?"
"Fairies! They go everywhere to take a bath all day long. They live in the sky, which is too high. The water pressure can't reach up, so they come down every day to take a bath. Look, today Dong Yong takes one away, tomorrow Niulang takes one away, and the day after tomorrow Liu Yanchang takes one away, right?
One by one, she always loves to take a bath, so people steal her clothes!"
"Oh, the Seventh Fairy has mysophobia, so she always comes down to earth to take a bath?"
"Of course not. Look, modern diseases also existed in ancient times, right?"
"Your story doesn't count either. The Fairy Couple, The Lotus Lantern, and The Cowherd and the Weaver Girl are all myths, not real ancient people!"
Qi Long said: "Okay, pass it on. Dong Qiang said that fairies don't have mysophobia and don't like to take a bath!"
"I didn't say that!" Dong Qiang quickly grabbed Qi Long and said, "I said you are not an ancient person!"
"Then I'll have another one, Sun Wukong!"
"Sun Wukong is also a mythical figure. Okay, I want to hear what disease Sun Wukong has?"
"Claustrophobia!"
Qi Long began to make up stories, saying that Sun Wukong jumped out of a stone. Why did he jump out of a stone? Because it was too dark inside the stone and he couldn't bear it, so he took out an axe and chopped the stone in half. Then he had the sky above his head and the ground under his feet.
This was complete nonsense from a comedy show. Dongqiang immediately stopped him and said that he had gone to Pangu.
"Oh, right, right, I said it wrong, I mentioned another patient, Pangu also has claustrophobia!"
"Two patients?"
"Yes, but Sun Wukong is more serious. You see, Sun Wukong feels very uncomfortable every time he is locked in the small dark room."
Being refined in the Bagua furnace, it must be uncomfortable, right? The monkey was so suffocated that he pushed over the furnace, and then created the Flaming Mountain.
It must be uncomfortable in Princess Iron Fan's stomach, making a lot of trouble, stabbing people's stomachs and kicking people's internal organs, and shouting: Sister-in-law, open your mouth and I'll get out!
"Didn't he go in by himself?"
"He didn't know it was so uncomfortable before he went in. He could only make Princess Iron Fan feel uncomfortable as well. Then he came out, and they both felt great!"
Dong Qiang: "It felt like a wheel of a car was running over my face."
"Persecution delusion?"
"I think you are delusional. It's all a mess."
"There's more. I haven't finished yet. Many of the monsters that came down from heaven knew that Sun Wukong had claustrophobia. The King Huangmei of Xiaoxitian locked him up in the Vajra Bowl. The monkey almost went crazy in there. It was Bajie who called the Twenty-Eight Constellations to rescue him!"
"That's true"
"Most importantly, I also figured out how to recite Tang Seng's tight-hoop curse by analyzing Sun Wukong's claustrophobia."
"How do you pronounce it?"
"Lock you in a small dark room, lock you in a small dark room," Qi Long said. "This statement was also agreed by many online writers, who all agreed that this statement by the reader was the most terrifying!"
After talking nonsense for a while, Dongqiang said that what he said was not true, and if he had the ability, he could find a real ancient person.
Qi Long thought of something and said, "Do you know an old lady who can grind an iron rod into a needle?"
This old lady has severe obsessive-compulsive disorder. She insists on grinding an iron rod into a needle. She will never get married in her entire life and will just grind needles!
The iron pestle is so expensive, much more expensive than a needle. Grinding such an expensive thing into a needle is enough to show that she has obsessive-compulsive disorder. She would feel uncomfortable if she didn't grind the needle into pieces.
Another person with obsessive-compulsive disorder is Yugong. When he saw two mountains in front of his house, he wanted to move the mountains away.
The wise man said to him, you have to move the two mountains sometime in the future.
Yugong said, if I can't finish moving, I still have my son, and if I finish moving, I still have my grandson, and my descendants will be endless, so I will eventually be able to finish moving.
"Then the wise old man spoke!"
"say what?"
"Do you have a partner? Without a partner, how can I have sons and grandchildren?" Yugong was confused. Yes, I don't have a partner. Without a partner, how can I have sons and grandchildren? So he stopped moving the mountain."
Dong Qiang: "Yugong is halfway through moving the mountain, but he wants to stop moving it?"
"Two days later, he moved again. Why? He found his wife, the old lady who grinds the iron pestle. They agreed that if a son is born, the mountain will be moved. If a daughter is born, the iron pestle will be ground into a needle. Look at them. They have obsessive compulsive disorder. To what extent!"
Dong Qiang was speechless: "His nonsense is all based on facts. You are even more wrong. The old lady and Yu Gong are not from the same era, not to mention that these two may not be true. Can you tell me about the ancient people in history books and what is wrong with him!"
Finally, Qi Long talked about a person mentioned in ancient books.
Qin Shi Huang, our first emperor, had trypophobia.
"what?"
"Look, when the First Emperor looked at the map, he found that there were too many countries on it. It made his scalp numb and made me sick to death. So he got angry and destroyed all those countries, and made the writing system and the wheel gauge the same, just to prevent his claustrophobia from acting up!"
"Ah? It's because of the unified six nations of trypophobia."
"No, I found that there were so many counties and prefectures that it made my scalp tingle and made me sick to death, so I changed everything to a county system."
"The county system was also developed because of trypophobia?"
"Later, the First Emperor was reading books, no, bamboo slips. The words on them were so densely packed that they made my scalp numb and made me sick to death. So he got angry and burned all the books?"
"The burning of books and burying of scholars was also due to trypophobia? This is all your speculation, there is no evidence."
Qi Long presented facts and evidence, and when asked whether the Terracotta Warriors were big, he said of course they were big, as so much pottery was used to make so many soldiers.
why?
"Because patients generally think that other people are patients. He created so many soldiers that when future tomb robbers enter the tomb and see the densely packed terracotta figurines, their scalps will go numb and they will sigh: I am so sick that I will not dare to rob anymore!"
"This is pure nonsense!"
The two took a step back and bowed to express their gratitude!
(End of this chapter)
