Chapter 248: Dongqiang's Father's Wedding Diary
The crosstalk continued, and Qi Long talked about Dongqiang's father. By his father's generation, the family had no money left, because the place to make money was in Shanxi Province, so they no longer lived in the Gao family compound, and built a better one in Jin Province.
That is: [Look for the weapons on the courtyard bridge, the tile kiln is surrounded by mud, just like a brick. There are four gate locust trees at the entrance, there are horse mounting stones, horse dismounting stones, isolation piers, traffic cones, horse tying posts, and painted parking spaces.]
Qi Long directly used a version of the running talk in "Praising the House" and added modern and contemporary elements.
There were only horses before, but you said that more than thirty years ago, rich people had to have cars in their homes, so they had to be added in, but it did not affect the fluency of the entire passage at all.
The people in the audience were enjoying it very much, with satisfied expressions on their faces.
[After entering the house, it is even more amazing. The kitchen is next to the toilet on the left, and the toilet is next to the kitchen on the right! ] This is the burden!
"What's the layout of our house?"
“It’s even more amazing once we get into the backyard!”
"Oh?"
"Those are full-round trees, more than nine feet tall, oleander, winter jasmine, tung, gardenia, cypress, and sycamore. On one of the trees there is a huge bird's nest with a golden border. There is a rope ladder hanging on the tree. Climb up to the bird's nest. Is that even more extraordinary?"
"What's the matter?" Dong Qiang asked.
"Three-piece bed set, your dad is sleeping here!"
Dong Qiang stopped Qi Long and said, "Wait a minute, wait a minute. You said earlier that it was so lively and our house was so luxurious. My dad lives in a tree?"
"This is your dad's personal hobby!"
From here on, the groundwork is laid for the ancient mythology wedding. Qi Long’s setting is that Dongqiang’s father loves ancient mythology and his dream is to become an ape-man.
"My dad's dream is quite unique!"
"Think about it, the life of apes is pretty good. They eat barbecue every day and can grill wherever they want. You don't have to worry about a group of people coming and stealing your stove while you're grilling."
“Yes, there were no urban management officers at that time!”
"And there was no need to worry about cancer. There were no health experts back then!"
The satire comes unexpectedly and makes the audience laugh with satisfaction.
Qi Long said that his father studied ancient people and found that ancient people slept on the ground at first, but sleeping on the ground was dangerous because there was no guarantee that a wild beast would pass by and eat you. At this time, a smart man appeared among the apes. He slept in the trees and built his own nest in the trees.
Many carnivores cannot climb trees, so the ape-man tribe began to feel safe and was called Youchaoshi.
"Your father worshipped Youchao, so he slept on the tree. When it was time for dinner, someone called your father to come down to eat. Oh oh oh!" Qi Long opened his mouth and shouted "Ah", and at the same time, he kept slapping his mouth with one hand, making a strange sound.
"Do I have to learn to be like an ape when I ask for food?"
"That's right. Your father sat up, got down the ladder, and waved his hand, and the people and things were delivered?"
"food?"
"No, a rectangular piece of wood with a hole in it, and a sharp wooden stick, and your dad started drilling."
"Drilling wood to make fire?"
Qi Long talked about the next knowledge point, saying that in the beginning apes ate raw meat and drank blood, which was not tasty. They could only make fire by waiting for lightning in the sky every day to ignite wood. It was not until someone figured out how to make fire by drilling wood that humans made fire for the first time.
That person was also very famous and was respectfully called: Suirenshi.
Dongqiang’s father worships Suiren, and he drills wood to make fire before cooking every meal.
"Isn't this too much time?"
"I've been drilling for two hours and I've finished my meal. I have to exercise after the meal!"
"You're still exercising after drilling for two hours?"
"You have to exercise. There are three kinds of exercise. The first one is Kuafu chasing the sun. Find a maid to play the role of the sun. She runs in front and your father chases behind!"
Dong Qiang stopped Qi Long: "Are you sure the last word is a noun and not a verb?" This is the dirty joke he can tell in his crosstalk show without worry. Qi Long said it's okay, depending on his father's mood.
In short, the maid has to run all the way to Mount Heng, the Northern Peak, and then start the second task, Yugong moves the mountain!
"Now do you know why Mount Hengshan, the Northern Mountain, is lower than other mountains?" Qi Long asked with a smile.
Dongqiang's eyes widened: "So my dad dug it?"
"The last item, Jingwei fills the sea, call that maid over again!"
"The maid's name is Hai?" Dongqiang turned over the bag like this, making everyone laugh again.
"No, the maid brought a large basin of water over, and your father picked up the stones he had just dug with his mouth and threw them into the basin. When all the water in the basin overflowed and only the stones were left, the exercise was over!"
“I thought my dad could drink water.”
"That's a crow drinking water, not an ancient myth!"
His father's body couldn't handle such a huge amount of exercise. Just imagine, he worked for two hours every day, ran to Hengshan Mountain, moved stones for half a day, and carried gravel for half a day. He would get sick in a short time.
"Excessive exercise is not good!"
"Yes, your grandfather was very worried and found a private doctor for your father. Your father was very picky and would not let the doctor feed him finished medicine directly. It had to be medicine in plant form, and he would just eat it raw!"
"This is the worship of Shennong!" Dong Qiang replied.
Qi Long praised him for learning to answer questions quickly and said that the doctor was also very responsible.
"Your father took too many pills for insomnia, so he went to look for herbs to treat insomnia. When he arrived at your house, he climbed up the ladder and pushed your father: Wake up, take the sleeping pills! He is so responsible!"
"Is this stupid? Is this responsible?"
"Under the careful care of such a responsible doctor, your father has improved. Your grandfather ordered him that your life is ruined and you must get married and have a grandson as soon as possible. After that, you can do whatever you want."
This is the real work. I talked about his father's wedding and discussed with his grandfather that he could get married, but the wedding had to be arranged according to my plan.
To pick up the bride, you can’t ride a horse or a car. Get me a few pandas so that I can ride on pandas like the god of war Chi You.
How could a national treasure be so easy to deal with? His grandfather bought a few panda-shaped children's cars and rode them: [Dad's dad is grandpa, dad's mom is grandma] to pick up the bride. All the bride pickers and bride-welcoming people wore leopard-print furs, which looked cool and sexy.
After arriving, we passed the first level, which was called Hou Yi Shooting the Sun, and there were ten maids who played the role of the sun.
"Are the last two words verbs?"
"Test your energy!"
The second level is called Dayu controlling the flood. You have to repair the water pipes in your father and mother-in-law's houses by using the dredging method instead of blocking it.
The third level is called Fighting for the Central Plains. Your mother drives a toy car with a deer in it, your father drives a toy car with a panda in it, and two other people drive a red and a yellow toy car. Whoever catches up with your mother can marry her and take her home!
"Ah? No, so he designed the wedding, but I might not be the groom?"
"It's okay, just let someone else drive the deer car!"
Finally, they bumped into each other. When they arrived at the wedding, the host started talking about Pangu creating the world. Qi Long created a mythological storytelling, starting with Pangu creating the world and then talking about Nuwa creating humans and repairing the sky. When it came to Youchaoshi, Dongqiang interrupted: "Stop talking nonsense and start the ceremony!"
"The bride appeared at the gate of happiness, and the guests were shocked and stared at her!"
"what happened?"
"The bride has no head!"
"Your mother has no head!"
"No, the head was put into the armor on the upper body. Your father was very proud of it and showed off to the guests: Look, this is my wife, she is cosplaying as Xing Tian. The exposed belly button is her mouth, and the eyes are exposed."
Dong Qiang pushed Qi Long away and said, "Stop talking!"
The two men took a step back and bowed. At this point, the crosstalk ended. The audience also thought of the words that were not finished and burst into laughter.
Oh, no wonder the guests were so dazzled, the wedding designed by the groom is so generous!
(End of this chapter)
